Perfectly Postpartum

Source: 123rf.com/Katarzyna Białasiewicz

Ever wondered if your perfectionistic tendencies are getting in the way when it comes to how you feel as a mother?

Have you ever wondered if all new mothers feel the way you feel?

Women who describe themselves as "black and white thinkers" or "control-freaks" or "Type A" personalities, might find themselves thinking, feeling or behaving in ways that they hope will make things feel better, but often have the opposite result.

The postpartum period is fraught with unpredictable circumstances accompanied by emotions that can make women feel out of control. No one likes to feel out of control, but women who are wired to prefer things to be in order can feel especially agitated when things are so unsettled.

See if any of the follow statement ring true for you. Of course, it is common for women to feel tempted by these anxious thoughts from time to time. If you find you are excessively worrying or being hard on yourself, see if you can practice some self-compassion by giving yourself permission to be and accept yourself during this challenging transition. Kindness toward yourself can help offset the pangs of self-criticism.

If you’ve recently had a baby, do you…

• Compare yourself to other mothers?

• Feel increasingly angry with your partner?

• Wonder if are or will be a good enough mother?

• Think you should be doing a better job as a mother?

• Miss who you were before you had a baby?

• Make sure you look “just right” in front of others, particularly if you’re not feeling so well?

• Feel better if your bed is made, the kitchen is clean, the toys are put away, the laundry is done?

• Feel unsettled if things are out of order or not the way you want them to be in the house?

• Feel as though you are being judged or criticized?

• Think you are being especially hard on yourself?

• Secretly wish you had your old life back again?

• Worry that if you let someone know how you’re really feeling, they won’t understand at all?

• Resent the fact that you’re the only one doing everything that needs to be done?

• Obsess about things that never used to bother you?

• Feel misunderstood, that no one appreciates how much you are doing and why you feel so overwhelmed?

• Think you are the one who is most capable and best qualified to take care of the baby and the household?

• Wonder what would happen if you decided not to do so much?

• Sometimes feel you are simply going through the motions?

• Fear that you haven’t bonded to your baby the way you think you should have by now?

• Doubt that you will ever feel attractive or interested in sex again?

• Reply “fine” every time anyone asks you how are you feeling regardless of how you are feeling?

• Wish you could find the joy in motherhood instead of focusing on how you should be doing things better?

• Wonder if you will ever be as good at this mothering thing as everyone else seems to be?

• Worry that you will never feel in control of your life again?

Repeat to yourself:

I'm doing the best I can.

It will not always feel this way.

It is probably not any easier for anyone else.

Some days are better than others. That's okay.

I'm doing the best I can.

Karen Kleiman, MSW, LCSW postpartumstress.com

Author of "Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts: Breaking the Cycle of Unwanted Thoughts in Motherhood."