Romantic Relationships in the TikTok and Instagram Era

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Online relationships have dramatically evolved over the last decade with Gen Z using Instagram and TikTok for almost an hour daily and an increasing number of new creators joining the marketplace.

At A Better Love Project, we’ve observed three distinct relationship types occurring on the platforms:

1. Parasocial: Relationships with influencers and others you do not have a connection with outside of the app. This includes those who follow your content regularly or whom you interact with regularly with likes, comments, and other engagement.
2. Social: Relationships with friends, family, and others you’ve known in real life (IRL) and who have kept up with your life on the app.
3. Romantic: The relationship you have with your significant other or spouse on a social media platform.

If you’re dating someone or in a romantic relationship, you’ll want to know how each other engages the apps.

Do they have it downloaded? Are they scrolling for hours on end? Are they producing daily content?

There are two general uses for the apps: personal/social and commercial.

Instagram remains one of the ways friends and family stay updated on each other's lives. Its algorithm is more social than TikTok, allowing for more personally relevant content from those we follow. Instagram Stories offer friends and family glimpses into real-time happenings with the people we love the most.

TikTok’s algorithm is more interest-based and has a significant amount of parasocial relationships. Influencers can amass millions of followers with varying degrees of active engagement.

If you or your partner are a creator producing content, how your partner and you interact on these platforms will matter.

For these couples, an Instagram post may be like a tiny exhibit of their latest inspiration and creativity. It may be meaningful to them.

Here are a few strategies for navigating your relationships on social media, whether you’re on Instagram or TikTok daily or just once in a while:

1. It’s a good idea to know what your partner is up to on the apps; checking out your person’s page will help keep you connected.
2. If you appreciate each other’s 15-second story updates and posts, like them.
3. If people drop into your DMs to flirt with you, don’t respond. This will be especially important for influencers.
4. Write a sweet comment on your spouse’s last post. Notes are cute whether they’re written on a sticky note on the fridge or a social media post.
5. Set boundaries with parasocial relationships and discuss with your partner how much of your life you want to share with the public.
6. If you find conflict arising around social media use, plan an initial conversation about it. Establish boundaries around use, especially when you’re emotionally connecting at the end of your day and during bedtime.

Relationship trends will continue to evolve with decades-long use of the major social media platforms.

Norms will likely remain idiosyncratic and negotiated on an individual relationship level. Start with these initial strategies.