Can You Be a Giver and Still Be a Success in the Long Run?

I've been reading more this year—mostly psychology and popular science—than I've ever read in my life. But because there are only so many hours in the day, you will always learn something new.

I read Is Giving the Secret to Getting Ahead? a month and a half ago, a profile of Adam Grant. At 31, Grant is a year younger than I am, and has already accomplished more than I will in my entire life. To quote the article by Susan Dominus:

Grant, 31, is the youngest-tenured and highest-rated professor at Wharton. He is also one of the most prolific academics in his field, organizational psychology, the study of workplace dynamics. Grant took three years to get his Ph.D., and in the seven years since, he has published more papers in his field’s top-tier journals than colleagues who have won lifetime-achievement awards.

While I wanted to dislike him—because I am a cynic and a horrible person—I was blown away by his work ethic and energy, and supremely curious about his work. And because I am a jealous writer, I wanted to read Grant's new book, Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success and say "meh." But, hear me now: buy the book. Read the book. Buy copies for people you love and work with. It's that great.

Give and Take is a true rarity among popular science books: nuanced yet never boring, story-driven and fun to read without oversimplifying. While some research-based books err on the side of being too story-based and simplistic, others over-correct and read like a laundry list of abstracts culled from academic journals. If Give and Take were a person, I'd currently be stalking him online and trying to bump into him at Starbucks in the morning. Even if you've read every popular psychology book in the last five years, you haven't heard what Grant has to say about the importance of giving and success—and it could just change your life.

What's the difference between a giver, taker and matcher?

They’re different preferences for reciprocity. Takers love to get more from others than they give. Givers actually enjoy contributing more to other people than they receive in return, and often share knowledge and offer help without any strings attached. Most of us are matchers, falling somewhere in the middle: we like to maintain a fair, even balance of giving and taking.

What’s unique about the success of givers?

My favorite feature of giver success is that it lifts others up, rather than cutting others down. When givers achieve excellence, they do so in ways that enable others to succeed as well, sharing credit, connections, and expertise. For givers, it’s also less lonely at the top: we reserve the greatest admiration and respect for successful people who are generous. A third intriguing pattern is that people support successful givers, rather than gunning for them.

Can people who behave like takers become more like matchers or givers?

Absolutely. No one is a pure taker, giver, or matcher; we all have a mix of motives and styles. In close relationships, such as with friends and family members, research shows that most people act like givers. Every interaction with another person involves a choice between giving, taking, and matching, so takers can shift their styles by looking for ways to trade or add value. It usually starts with two questions: (a) what can I offer that might benefit others, but cost me little or nothing? Sharing knowledge and making introductions are two common examples of low-cost acts of giving that appeal to a wide range of people—including takers.