Is It Intuition or Anxiety?

My wonderful Mexican mom was a bit forgetful, which has led to plenty of laughs over the years. When she can’t find her keys or purse, we typically find them stashed in the freezer or fridge, right next to the gallon of milk. More recently, she lost her dentures, and after hours of searching, we finally found them tucked under a pile of socks and underwear in her dresser drawer.

But when it comes to her inner voice, my mom’s intuition is undeniably razor-sharp. Every time, without fail, she just knows. I remember when I was 10, I wanted to bring the new wallet she’d bought me from Avon to a classmate’s roller-skating birthday party. She kept insisting I leave it at home because she had a “bad feeling” it would get lost. I couldn’t understand what she was talking about; I took it anyway. Of course, it got stolen, and I was devastated. This experience and countless others taught me to pay more attention to her “bad feelings.”

Everyone has an inner voice, not just my mom. As we get older, hearing this voice and trusting it may get hard for any number of reasons. We might go through difficult experiences that lead us to question and doubt ourselves, or we might grow up in a family system that relies heavily on logic and not at all on intuition. In some cases, mentioning intuition and or feelings might be ridiculed or shamed, or it may be against the religious beliefs in which we have been raised.

As a result, the noise generated by our thinking brain often overwhelms and silences our inner voice, particularly during moments when we need its guidance the most. This phenomenon is especially common when people are attempting to navigate the complex and often challenging world of dating.

The Path to Connection

One of the toughest things about dating is knowing how to tell the difference between your voice of intuition and the echoes of anxiety. These two forces influence us in very different ways—one comes from a deep, spiritual place, while the other is driven by the mind’s worries and fears. Learning to tell them apart can help you navigate your relationships with more clarity and peace. And who doesn't want that?

Intuition is that inner voice, that gut feeling you get when something just feels right—or wrong. It’s a deep knowing that comes from your spirit, guiding you in a way that might not always make logical sense but feels true to you. In dating, intuition often shows up as a sense of calm certainty, a gentle nudge that says, “This feels right.” Or, “Pay attention to this.”

Anxiety, on the other hand, is the mind’s way of trying to protect you, often based on fear and or past experiences. It’s that nagging voice that questions everything, making you doubt yourself and your relationships. When you’re dating, anxiety can show up as overthinking, worrying about the future, or feeling a need to control the situation. It’s like a constant loop of “What Ifs” that can drown out your intuition.

How to Know The Difference

Separating anxiety from intuition can be challenging, especially in the emotionally charged context of dating. Here are some ways to help you distinguish between the two:

Listen to Your Body

Intuition often feels like a calm, steady feeling in your whole body. It’s a sense of knowing that doesn’t come with physical tension, and it can be very hard to describe this feeling to someone. “I can’t explain it,” you might say. “I just have a feeling.” On the other hand, anxiety tends to manifest as physical discomfort, such as tightness in your chest, a racing heart, or a feeling of restlessness. Anxiety often feels urgent and overwhelming, and not in a good way.

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Evaluate the Source

Intuition arises from a deeper, inner knowing, often unexplainable but clear. It’s a feeling that something just is or isn't right, without a flood of thoughts attached to it. Anxiety usually comes with a lot of What Ifs and overthinking, and it’s often rooted in fear, past experiences, and or insecurities. Ask yourself if your feelings are based on a past trauma or fear, or if they’re a clear, present-moment awareness. Intuition doesn’t dwell on the past or worry about the future, it’s about the here and now.

Intuition Essential Reads

Whole Brain, Whole Person: Why Analysis Needs Intuition

Discovering Meaning Through the Lens of Intuition

Give It Time

Intuition will never push or rush you. It gives you a sense of peace, even when it suggests a difficult choice. Rather than a sense of urgency, there’s just clarity. Anxiety creates a sense of urgency, making you feel like you need to act immediately or something terrible will happen. If you’re really not sure if it’s anxiety or intuition, hit the pause button and give it some time. Sleep on it, or just wait a few days. You will notice that the calm that comes with intuition remains steady, whereas anxiety changes or fades over time.

Journal Your Thoughts

Intuition often becomes clearer when you write it down. Often, writing will help you articulate that “gut feeling” you couldn’t put into words. Anxiety creates a loop of negative thoughts and writing them down can help you identify patterns of fear or worry. If you are consistent with this practice, you might start to notice patterns that help you distinguish between anxious thoughts and intuitive feelings.

Seek Inner Stillness

Intuition is strongest in the quietest of moments; it emerges when your mind is calm and clear. Mental chatter and chaos are like fertilizer for anxiety, and when your mind is racing, it’s harder to hear your inner voice. If you don’t already have a practice of meditation, start one, even if for just a few minutes every day. Meditation and or self-reflection will help quiet the noise and allow your intuition to surface.

Talk It Out

Share your feelings with a loved one or with a trusted friend or therapist, as they can help you gain perspective and offer objective advice. Sometimes, just saying things out loud makes it easier to hear everything your inner voice wants you to know. Additionally, talking about your anxious thoughts and fears can help defuse them and provide clarity.

Embrace the Journey

Remind yourself that dating isn’t just about finding a meaningful connection with a partner—it’s also about getting to know yourself on a deeper level. By learning to trust your intuition and gently quiet your anxiety, you align with a spiritual approach to relationships and all other areas of your life. Trust that your inner guidance will lead you to the connections that are right for you and that each step on this journey is bringing you closer to the path that is meant for you.