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Stress is a part of our everyday life, and for most of us, it's just unavoidable. What many people are not aware of is that it has an additional adverse effect when it comes to our time in the bedroom. There is no easy way to put it: When it comes to sex, the number one libido killer is stress. It’s not hard to imagine actually. We all carry stress.
April is Stress Awareness Month, marking a great time to highlight all the daily stressors you have grown immune to. Daily stressors range from money, deadlines, to your “To Do” list. Stress is actually a little bit of whatever life throws at you.
Daily stressors contribute to a fuzzy or foggy brain. This foggy brain distracts people from thinking about sex, let alone wanting for it. Feeling overwhelmed pushes us into a place where we are just surviving instead of thriving.
With stress being the libido killer it is, and sex being a stress reliever, you may find yourself feeling trapped in a vicious cycle. Low libido not only impacts the individual person but can negatively impact a romantic relationship.
It is common for couples to experience mixed libidos; however, this incongruence leads to so many emotional hurts. The partner who initiates sex more often, for example, and is met with disinterest, is left feeling rejected. Many internalize this pain as something being wrong with them, their body, or the relationship in general, but this is often not the case.
Challenges in your sex life can be the first sign that you are experiencing high levels of stress. Some common symptoms are erectile dysfunction, loss of an erection, challenges becoming aroused, lubrication, and mismatched libido levels with your partner. Many think that low libido and sexual challenges come with increased age. It is time to challenge that myth. There are many factors in our life that decrease our libido and it can happen to anyone at any age.
People often think that sex is its own domain in our lives, that it is separate from other parts of our world. I am here to challenge that. We are complex beings. Our thoughts, behaviors, relationships, work, stress level, everything we experience on a daily basis has an impact on our libido and sexual satisfaction.
With April being National Stress Awareness Month, I am offering tips on how to cope with your stress levels, while increasing your libido.
Solo Play
Once-a-day masturbation can dramatically reduce stress levels. Masturbation is not solely about the orgasm, it is about the pleasure you derive from the experience. Explore what I call your “Pleasure Pathway." Explore your body and what feels pleasurable to you. You can always add in a toy or erotica for added stimulation.
Body Movement
Exercise is a common way to cope with stress, but body movement is also a libido increaser. Outside of the physiological impact exercise has on one’s sex drive, exercise helps improve your mental health. Sex is between the ears, not just the legs. If you want to increase your libido, focus on your mind. Exercise positively impacts one’s mental health. By keeping a healthy mind, you are directly impacting your libido.
Dive Into Erotica
Your largest sex organ is the brain. If you want to arouse yourself, start by stimulating the mind. If you are looking to break your low libido cycle, pick up some erotica! Get creative here. Watch a sexy movie, read an erotic book, explore porn. Pro tip: Sending a sexy text to your partner is a great way to arouse yourself and your partner. Before you hit send, always get consent from whoever you are sending the message to.
Everyone experiences changes in their libido all throughout their lives. If you or your partner are experiencing a lower sex drive, avoid directly blaming yourself or your partner. I encourage you to open the conversation and talk with your partner. A loss of a sex drive is not a loss of intimacy or desire. During this time make an effort to increase your connection emotionally and physically. Through this experience, you may forge a closer bond and feel closer than you ever have been to your partner.
