Words Matter: Is It a Chore or a Contribution?

Words matter

Chore. A chore sounds like something imposed upon you, something to avoid. Perhaps something to resent. Being assigned a chore can make a child angry. Anger is an emotion designed to change something. Your child may be envious of your power, suspicious that you are intruding on their time, and totally resist doing their chore.

I suggest the word contribution rather than chore.

A contribution is empowering. Contributing to the group increases your value. That feels great. We all want the same thing: simply to feel valued by someone else.

Instead of chore, try contribution.

Some people think that the word "chore" implies work. Teaching your child that work is good, part of life, and being productive has lifelong benefits. But how would you like your work to be appreciated? As doing a chore for someone else, or as a contribution to someone else? The word contribution in no way undermines the importance of work. Just the opposite: It acknowledges the contribution rather than minimizing the effort as simply a "chore."

Others may say why make a problem out of nothing? When a child gets out into the real world they have to do their job. Let them learn to follow directions now and do their chores. I am not sure how distinguishing and clarifying is making a problem out of nothing. Think about your own job. Do you like your job? Do you feel valued for your contribution or feel exploited if you see the work you do, or your boss sees the work you do, as simply a "chore"? In your own life, how would you like your work to be appreciated? There is a difference when we tell our child to "go do__" versus "could you do__." Could you do is asking for help. It recognizes we are in this together, as a team. When you ask for help and help is provided the other person becomes a benefactor. Benefactors are highly prized and valued in a group because of their contribution.

As a parent, as a boss, as a coach, as anyone in a position of leadership, it is way more respectful to ask than to demand. Let's shift from chore to contribution.

Words matter. Small changes can have big effects. And you control no one but influence everyone. You get to choose the kind of influence you want to be.

Thanks for letting me contribute.

Words matter.

The I-M Approach

Source: Joseph Shrand, MD