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One of the best ways to tackle arenas where you are flailing around with little success is to learn how to relate to failure. If you find yourself in a setting that isn’t a good match for you, you may feel like a failure. Similarly, if you have failed in the past in settings that were out of sync with who you are, you may be too paralyzed by fear of failure to move on. Two steps can help you move on.
The first step is to let yourself feel the disappointment fully. Even if your worn-out dreams weren’t a good match, they still were very real dreams. You may need to grieve in order to begin the process of letting go of outdated dreams of who you are and what you want. The second step is to buck up and bounce back – show the world and yourself your resilience.
Each time you fail but bounce back you build strength and resilience. Having greater strength and resilience will allow you to persevere longer than others who have not experienced failure. Having greater strength and resilience will also prime you for success by making you immune to the minor and major setbacks that may derail others.
Begin to translate your own disappointments into these three “gifts” of failure. For example, ask yourself:
- How did I show boldness or take a calculated risk, and how can that serve me in the future?
- What skills or lessons did I learn from this failure?
- If there is a better opportunity for me, what might it be?
Brainstorm these questions, writing down any free associations. It’s important to remember that if you take a risk and fail, that doesn’t mean that taking the risk was wrong. By definition, a risk includes a substantial chance of failure. In fact, many risks lead to failure – if this weren’t the case, they wouldn’t be risks! Don’t beat yourself up if a risk leads to failure. While you may not know what opportunities await you around the corner, assume that they are there. Let your imagination run freely.
Dr. Lara Honos-Webb is the author of The Gift of ADHD, The Gift of ADHD Activity Book, The Gift of Adult ADD, The ADHD Workbook for Teens and Listening to Depression. Learn more about her work at
