Verified by 
Key points
- We often lapse into a negative spiral when frustrated, yet according to Fred Rogers, we can turn that into empathy.
- Contrary to attacks and defensiveness, empathy is healing, leaving goodwill as its legacy.
- Fred Rogers practiced what he espoused and chose habits and a career that fit with his values.
What’s the first response we have when we're upset with another person? Do we bristle and leap quickly onto defense? Do we own our part in situations or blame others? Or do we stop and think, “What’s really going on?”
Thirty years ago, I sat down with Fred Rogers–yes, the Mister Rogers. Tom Hanks portrayed Rogers in a 2019 movie. I worked as a freelance writer then and was crafting an airline profile and parenting articles.
Rogers often asked children what they did with the mad that they felt; thus, I asked of him, riveted to my seat, just like Lloyd Vogel in the movie: What did Mister Rogers do when angry or upset?
First, Rogers conveyed, he took frustrations out at the piano, kinesthetically and musically working through emotion. Next, he’d ask himself: “I wonder what happened in that person’s day?”
I sat back, wowed. If we could all approach difficult people and situations this way, where would we be instead of where we often land?
Today, WQED Television, where Rogers taped his show, sponsors a Cardigan Day to remind us to spread support and kindness to others. It’s a day to wear your favorite cardigan–especially red, like the ones I got for my beloved Buddy for the first Sweater Day–and post the picture with the hashtag #CardiganDay.1
Join me in doing just this. Have fun with it, and if it’s too late to dress the part today, do it tomorrow or another day and journey into the neighborhood of empathy for others.
Empathy is key for those of us in helping professions. But it’s not all that common, sadly, in everyday life.
Some habits, hobbies, or lines of work rip into people, craft untruths for personal gain, and along the way, destroy relationships that could prove empathic and vital for peace, wellness, and legacies left behind. Think snarky responses, Twitter attacks, and adversarial lawyers who purposefully profit from discord vs. honest, “let’s understand” discussion. These are often knee-jerk, power-over-someone responses that fail to forecast long-term, destructive repercussions.
Rogers contemplated. He corresponded with people. He prayed for others.
Just as the journalist in the film found himself mesmerized by Rogers’ empathy, I also didn’t want to get out of my chair the day I sat with this gentle, caring man. Few people in life have that genuine curiosity about other people’s emotions. Fred Rogers did.
Again, it’s rare, but in recent years, we’ve seen somewhat similar empathy.
In the powerful Apple TV series The Me You Can’t See, Oprah Winfrey and Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex, bravely shared their struggles that resulted in empathic work to help others.2 The series took two years for its advisory panel, research, interviews, and filming to culminate in the finished televised product. The series features experts such as Bruce D. Perry, M.D., Ph.D., who wrote What Happened to You: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing.3
Perry wrote this with Winfrey, and they both drove home “What happened to you?” rather than the stigma-perpetuating “What’s wrong with you?” It’s well worth viewing this series to access these informative insights.
If you lack a piano, reach for something creative and healing as an outlet to process strong emotions. This could be another instrument, art, writing, exercise, cooking, or another positive activity.
“There are three ways to ultimate success: The first way is to be kind; the second way is to be kind. The third way is to be kind,” say the social media images and quotes of Fred Rogers.
Today: Wear a sweater to remind you to put forth support, caring, and kindness. And encourage it in others. (For more, see Mister Rogers Inspires.)
Copyright @ 2022 by Loriann Oberlin. All Rights Reserved.
References
