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Personality
Is Splitting Only Done by Those with BPD?
Identify, fight and win the battle of extreme thinking.
Posted February 25, 2022 Reviewed by Tyler Woods
Key points
- Splitting is seen in those with depression, anxiety, PTSD, NPD, ASPD, and other disorders.
- Splitting is also called all-or-nothing-thinking, dichotomous thinking, and black-and-while thinking.
- You can learn to control your tendency to split.
There is a false belief that "splitting" is only done by those with borderline personality disorder (BPD). Here, I will discuss what splitting is, other disorders that also utilize this type of distorted perception, and what you can do about it to lessen its impact.
The What and Why of Splitting
Splitting is also called all-or-nothing thinking, dichotomous thinking, and black-and-white thinking. The concept of splitting entails seeing something, someone, or even yourself as all good or all bad. It’s the hero or zero mentality. Splitting is a protective but maladaptive coping mechanism used to avoid rejection or being hurt by simplifying stressful situations, instances, consequences, or people. Splitting distorts reality by limiting your view to only seeing things through your anxiety, fear, anger, and other protective beliefs, thoughts, and feelings that initially spike up then drop you into a depressive state. Splitting causes you to think that all mistakes are intentional and are directed to cause you pain, but what if they’re not? What if all behavior has a probability of success and failure on a continuum? This is the shade of grey, where options exist.
Case Study: Yolanda’s A-B-Cs of Splitting
Yolanda is our case study and she is a good example of the A-B-C of splitting. The A or antecedent, before the split, occurred when Yolanda texted her boyfriend who hadn’t texted her back within her expected time period. She started thinking, “I just texted him, why hasn’t he written me back? He’s with another woman! He’s cheating on me! I know it, I feel it in my bones!” Yolanda is activated and her defenses are up. Her fears of abandonment, rejection, and being disrespected are growing in intensity. Now comes the B, the behavior or process of the split, which instead of simplifying this situation, makes it much more stressful and intense. Yolanda looks intensely at her phone, feels her rage, and thinks, “He was never good anyway. He’s ugly, dumb, and useless. He’s a cheating loser!” With her constraint lost, Yolanda texts her boyfriend, spewing all of her thoughts and feelings in an onslaught of venom. Still no response. She goes through the A-B cycle again, and now she’s even more agitated and is shaking all over. Now it’s time for the C, the conclusion or consequence of the split. A little more time has gone by and he responds. His response says, “We’re through. I’ve never cheated on you, and I wouldn’t, but I don’t deserve to be treated like this! Bye.”
Yolanda’s case illustrates the problems that splitting causes, as well as the negative emotional feedback loop you get stuck in. The consequence of this loop is more often harmful in the long-term and disrupts relationships and the view of yourself and others. In this example, you may assume that Yolanda has been diagnosed with BPD, but she hasn’t. She has some BPD traits, meaning she meets some of the criteria, but not enough to qualify for the full disorder. She has been diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and generalized anxiety disorder. If you thought splitting was only done by those with BPD, you may have made an overestimation of some of Yolanda’s exhibited traits, and missed others. This is why it’s important to remember that splitting is a maladaptive coping strategy engaged in by not only individuals with BPD, but those with other disorders as well.
Mental Health Disorders and Splitting
Below is a list of several mental health disorders, and quotes, that are indicative of splitting, and that also have a high tendency to split perceptions of situations, other people, and themselves. Notice that not all disorders have examples of splitting in both directions: self and others. In those without personality disorder symptomatology, the split is directed outwardly, at others and situations, as opposed to the self. In those with personality disorders, the split tends to be directed toward others and the self.
This list is not meant to be all-encompassing.
Borderline Personality Disorder: “You’re my savior and I’m the devil.”
Narcissistic Personality Disorder: “I’m superior and you’re a failure.”
Antisocial Personality Disorder: “I’m powerful and you’re weak.”
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder: “I’m going to feel this pain forever.”
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: “I’ll never get this clean. I’m contaminated.”
Generalized Anxiety Disorder: “There’s something terrible around every corner.”
Major Depressive Disorder: “The world will always be against me. I’ll never win.”
Now that you’ve read about the broad utilization of splitting and the A-B-Cs of it, let’s examine how to lessen it and control it.
Steps to Control the Split
Recognizing that the world does not operate in extremes is the foundational component needed to control your splitting. I recognize that it may feel like you’re always on one end of the pain-pleasure spectrum, but the reality is that the world is a shade of grey, and rarely operates in extremes. Your power and control is in the grey, not in the blacks or whites.
Step 1: Recognize the people or situations in which you tend to split, of those aspects of yourself you split. This may be in romantic, familial, work, or platonic relationships, or the perception of being all good or all bad, perfect or a complete failure. For example, Yolanda would say that she splits more in her romantic relationship than she does with family, coworkers, or herself.
Step 2: Be aware of the words you’re using and when you use extreme terms like “always,” “never,” “forever,” “everything,” “everyone,” “you are…” or “I am…”. For example, Yolanda was bombarded with extreme thoughts and fears, such as, “He was never good anyway. He’s ugly, dumb, and useless. He’s a cheating loser!”
Step 3: Capture these terms and stop them in their tracks. Actually picture a Venus flytrap snapping and catching those extreme words floating in your mind. Yolanda envisioned her extreme terms flying around her Venus flytrap and she caught them all.
Step 4: Do a body assessment of how you feel after catching those extreme terms. Yolanda feels her breathing slowing down and her anger levels decreasing as she does her visualization. This is because she’s out of the negative feedback loop, and is now solution-focused. She regained her control.
Step 5: Challenge your extreme words, thoughts, beliefs, and feelings with something in the shade of gray. Replace those extreme words, thoughts, beliefs, and feelings with more adaptive and softer ones. These can include, “some,” “maybe,” and “could be.” Yolanda remembers that her boyfriend’s phone often loses battery because he usually forgets to charge it and it may have run out of battery. Because he is an electrician he doesn’t always have access to his phone, he may not have been able to respond because he didn’t see the initial text.
It’s hard to let go of old habits, like splitting, but using this five-step sequence will help you build your self-control and balance your beliefs, thoughts, and feelings. Knowledge is empowerment, and managing your distorted perceptions is a big step in this invaluable and empowering direction.
