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I often encourage parents and coaches to, as much as possible, avoid asking athletes questions or making statements that subtly reinforce excessive value on winning and their athletic identity (e.g. “did you win?”, “oh you lost again?”). However, my wife recently made the astute comment to me that we often break this ‘rule’ when speaking with coaches. Upon reflection, when I come across a coach for the first time in a while, I’ll ask “how’s training going?” or “how’s your squad looking this season?”. What message does this send to the particular coach?
In such scenarios, one coach may perceive me as being nothing more than genuinely interested and supportive, whilst another could interpret the question as a further important reminder that their own self-worth is in fact based on the results of
their athletes and teams. Coach identity, similar to the concept of athlete identify, can positively or negatively affect one’s wellbeing. Experiencing a sense of purpose and contribution in a role that we are passionate about can be a wonderful, and sought after, experience. However, for some, decoupling what we do from who are we can be a struggle and, when this occurs, it can feel as though we our placing our identity on the line each time that we lead an athlete or team into competition.
Below are some things to keep in mind as you navigate your own interactions with athletes.
You’re only one part of the problem, and one part of the solution
Many of us that have the privilege of working with athletes develop a tendency to dwell on and become preoccupied with the performances of the athletes that we work with to an unhealthy level. We can have significant influence on those under our care; with that said, one thing to keep in mind is that we are always just one part of a problem, and will only ever be one part of the solution. Optimal (as well as poor) performance relies on many elements interacting so it is important to avoid placing too much pressure on oneself to be perfect and solve every problem.
Keep things in perspective
When we strip everything back, there are only a small number of things that we can control in sport. It can be helpful to make a list of things that you can and cannot control (do this with your athletes early in the season!), and then give those things that you can control your full attention. As a general rule, we think of coaches who have objective success (titles, good win/loss record) as the most successful, but in reality there are many coaches who are doing truly amazing things with athletes who may not even make the podium – this should not mean that they are not as successful, just as winning a title does not inherently signify coaching excellence. When San Antonio Spurs coach, Gregg Popovich, was asked about avenging a Finals loss, he responded with “I don’t care. You guys think in those terms. I just go to practice and do defensive drills, and then offensive drills, and then I go home and have a glass of wine and talk to my wife and go to bed”.
Nurture your other interests
We often remind athletes that they are so much more than what they do on the court or field of play; however, we need to ensure that we ourselves heed this advice. Although it is difficult at times of the year, spend time with family and engaged in interests outside of sport. Balance is important for everyone and spending time away will actually make you much more effective when you are engaged with your athletes as you are more likely to feel refreshed and enthused. Also, just as with our athletes, nurturing your life outside of sport will potentially reduce the pressure that you experience in the sporting environment and enhance your performance.
