Practicing the Art of Grieving

My husband and I woke up in the afterglow this morning. With help from members of a local repertory troupe, we performed to a near-sellout audience last night at a small black box theater in Atlanta. Major themes were from my new book, The Art of Grieving: How the Arts and Art Making Help Us Grieve and Live Our Best Lives. The deep satisfaction we felt came from our communal experience of two of the main messages of my work, the first is that grieving is an art we can (and need to) get good at.

If grieving is an art, then how does one practice that art? I consulted with photographer Caterina Maina this morning about her thoughts on the term “practicing” one’s art. She suggests that practicing art refers to “the way an artist approaches their work. Artistic practice extends beyond the physical activities of making artistic products and can include influences, ideas, materials as well as tools and skills.”

Last night people came to the performance with “an expectation of discovery,” and performers knew that they would be on “a journey of exploration,” two of the ways that Maina describes their art practice. It’s widely accepted that it takes 10 years of nearly daily practice to become skilled at any art or sport. Last night’s performance came with performers who had been practicing the expressive arts of storytelling, dance, and music for many years, this contributed to the richness of the stories and the skill of their expression, not to mention, the impact on the audience.

Maina has included a description of practicing art and applying them to the art of grieving.

Ideas

• Grieving is the process of metabolizing our life experiences so that the wisdom in them becomes available to our future selves.
• This processing or digestion occurs in liminal space, the space that indigenous people call “the space between the worlds.”
• This intuitive mind is what Einstein calls “the sacred gift,” to which, counterculturally, he believes “the rational mind” should be its “faithful servant.”
• The arts are the vehicles that take us there.

Tools

• Explore working in various art mediums in a journey of self-discovery, which is one of the gifts that the arts offer. Even when you are new to the form—when singers dance, painters write, musicians tell stories, and when someone says they're not creative create—there are gifts to be gained. It comes from a place that is the part of me that is smarter than I am.
• Meaning and purpose come from grieving experiences of loss—when using the arts we spend time in liminal space. We make art out of what happens to us and use the arts to express, grieve, create, and celebrate.

Steps

• What inspires you? I was inspired by Maya Angelou's quote engraved on a gifted treasure box, “Your life is more important than you think. It’s your first treasure.” To me, this says, “Stay curious about what life is asking of you.”
• Recognize what the art project is. Rabbi Abraham Hershel suggests that “the meaning of life is to live life as if it were a work of art.” I would add, a work of art that is continually evolving, always in process, and frequently bombarded with unexpected elements. There will always be people and events to integrate into our life’s visual, auditory, and kinesthetic reality.

The Project

• What is the art project we are creating and developing? I would add to Heschel's thoughts that a work of art is continually evolving, always in process, and frequently bombarded with unexpected elements. There are people and events to continually integrate into our life’s visual, auditory, and kinesthetic reality.
• We make art out of what happens to us and use the arts to express, grieve, create, and celebrate. When done in community, we are filled with ecstatic joy.

As we continue to explore the art of grieving, we recognize that it is an ongoing, evolving practice. By integrating these artistic elements into our grieving process, we not only honor our losses but also enrich our lives with deeper meaning and purpose. Embracing the journey of grief as a creative endeavor allows us to transform our pain into beauty and resilience, ultimately helping us live our best lives.