11 Commonsense Ways to Raise Gritty Children

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Does your child give up on something after only one try? Does your child get frustrated when success is not immediate? Does your child persevere when faced with adversity or just give up? If the latter, maybe you should teach them to be gritty. Yes, grit can be learned.

Angela Duckworth and associates (2007) define grit as:

"Perseverance and passion for long-term goals. Grit entails working strenuously toward challenges, maintaining effort and interest over years despite failure, adversity, and plateaus in progress. The gritty individual approaches achievement as a marathon; his or her advantage is stamina. Whereas disappointment or boredom signals to others that it is time to change trajectory and cut losses, the gritty individual stays the course."

How You Can Teach Your Children to Be Gritty

The following actions are research-based, best-practice child development suggestions for raising a gritty child. (Click here for a more in-depth discussion on grit.)

1. Praise your children for being determined and persistent.
2. Remember that it’s OK for your child to get frustrated.
3. Praise effort rather than your child’s grades or innate skills.
4. Remind your children that they should not be afraid of failure. Some of life’s most valuable lessons are learned from our failures, not necessarily our successes.
5. Talk to your children about your failures, how you overcame them, and the lessons you learned from them.
6. Teach your children early on to be responsible by requiring them to do chores, such as making their beds, feeding the dog or cat, or setting the table.
7. Allow your children to solve small problems by themselves. By doing this, you are training them to tackle much larger problems in the future.
8. From an early age, allow your children to do things by themselves without stepping in to fix, rescue, or teach them your way.
9. Don’t overparent. Overparenting is a form of childhood overindulgence called overnurture. You overnurture when you do things for your children that they should be doing for themselves.
10. Encourage positive self-talk and the use of self-affirmations by modeling them for your child.
11. Be a gritty role model for your child.

Duckworth’s (2007, p. 1100) research suggests the following:

• Grit may be equally important as talent when it comes to high accomplishment.
• Children who show exceptional commitment to a particular goal should be supported with the same resources as the “gifted and talented.”
• Educators and parents should encourage children to work not only with intensity but also with stamina.
• We should prepare youth to anticipate failures and misfortunes and show them that excellence in any discipline requires years and years on task.

Collectively, these findings suggest that the achievement of difficult goals entails not only talent but also the sustained and focused application of talent over time (Duckworth, et al., 2007, p. 1087).

Grit can be learned. Parents, teachers, coaches, scoutmasters, and youth leaders can teach it.

"Nana korobi, ya oki." "Fall down seven times, stand up eight." —A Japanese proverb about persistence.

Practice Aloha. Do all things with love, grace, and gratitude.

© 2024 David J. Bredehoft