How Psychopaths Can Trigger Fear of Annihilation

Source: Moondance/Pixabay

The psychopath is a destroyer, often motivated by envy. According to eminent psychopathy researcher, J. Reid Meloy, the psychopath’s “envy is the wish to possess the goodness perceived in others. And if it cannot be possessed, destruction of the good object renders it not worth having.”¹

Fear of annihilation

The victim of a psychopath may or may not sense the danger she faces. Instead, she may experience an all-pervasive feeling of being devalued, of losing control, with unbearable anxiety. She might be experiencing an anticipatory fear of annihilation. Annihilation anxieties are triggered by survival threat, are felt early and throughout life.²

Painful childhood experiences often underscore annihilation fear

This fear is especially profound when the victim who fears annihilation was emotionally abandoned since childhood.³ Painful childhood experiences could have been overwhelming. Lack of support may have created suffering and grief. These wounds would be especially deep and long-lasting if they were created by parents or siblings with high levels of psychopathic characteristics.

Having a mother and sister who were psychopaths, I have had annihilatory experiences that made me wonder if I was going to be blown away and dissolved into a state of nothingness. Would I break in two?

Power struggles and the psychopath

Psychopaths do not have happiness and love inside of them. They are users and abusers of people, hurting whomever they wish at whatever time they choose. I became an immediate target simply because I was there. I had no control over my mother and sister, but unbeknownst to me, they had taken control of my life. They had the power. They even dominated my father who surrendered his will to them.

Psychopathy expert Robert Hare warns, “Be careful about power struggles [with psychopaths]. Keep in mind that psychopaths have a strong need for psychological and physical control over others. They must be in charge, and they will use charm, intimidation, and violence to ensure their authority. In a power struggle, a psychopath will focus on winning.”⁴

As years went by, I succeeded in extricating myself from this toxic environment through a good marriage, but I had not yet understood the full impact of the psychopath’s domination and control. It took a horrible incident to finally make me realize the true depth of psychopathic cruelty. A synopsis of this incident will underscore the psychopath’s goals and tactics. Whether a murderer or fraudster, their objectives and tactics are always the same.

A disturbing story of psychopathic dysfunction

There came a point in time when my mother decided she no longer needed or wanted her husband. A frail, aging man who had been her provider for 60 years was not useful to her anymore. If she could dominate and control his money and other property, she could be self-sufficient. She schemed to be rid of him, by creating a false story that he had tried to beat her with a candlestick. Her convincing story, reinforced by her psychopathic daughter, my sister, fooled the police into believing this had indeed occurred. As a result, she had him committed to observation at a psychiatric hospital. When I visited him there, the head nurse, an astute observer, said his wife was “evil,” and she didn’t believe he had attempted what she had said.

I, my husband, and our daughter then went to my father’s house to confront my mother. She stated emphatically that she would never let him return to the house he had built. She wanted her freedom and complete control, and she had so far successfully carried out her plan. She realized that our presence and involvement were a direct challenge and obstacle. During our discussions, she surreptitiously sent a coded phone message to her accomplice, my sister. This in turn triggered a call to the police and the next-door neighbor. The neighbor came banging on the door, yelling that we were holding my mother prisoner in her own house. When my husband calmly opened the door, the neighbor almost attacked him. As the police arrived, my mother concocted a story that we had attacked her. She wanted us all arrested! In the meantime, my sister had rallied family members with a false story and they arrived against us too. Luckily, the police were able to see through their lies.

We managed to avoid arrests that night, but my mother and sister were not done yet. They went to the newpapers, hoping to create a big show. Luckily, the editors saw through them too.

Lies, distortions, manipulation, intimidation, devaluing, domination and control. It’s all here in this one story … an incident that opened my eyes like none other. Fear of annihilation is real in the face of these onslaughts. I am lucky to be able to reflect on these experiences now from a distance. Painful still, but no longer an existential threat.