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He cautiously opened the door to the AA meeting. He expected to find the room full of homeless people, people whose appearance would testify to the pain and suffering in their lives. Yet that was not the case. Instead, successful folks from the community filled the chairs. When he had seen these people in other places in town or heard about their successes on the news, they seemed so together. The only reason he now knew that they shared his pain was their attendance at the AA meeting.
People rarely share their problems with strangers, and very often, will not even share them with friends. We are lonely in our despair. By not admitting our challenges, we may lose chances to deeply connect.
It’s analogous to a person lamenting that her house is not as clean and organized as her friend’s house. Little does she know that her friend works for hours cleaning before she would invite anyone over to visit. The only times these friends can meet is after they’ve found hours to clean and organize. They miss out on all the other potentially great times, and more importantly, they miss out on knowing each other better.
If we only show our most put-together selves, we miss out on the deep bonds that can form when people share who they really are -- sometimes organized and put-together and other times struggling and challenged.
Twitter: @JayWinnerMD
