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Key points
- Using interventions such as ABA can help you manage your child's individual needs.
- Prioritize self-care activities that bring you joy and relaxation.
- Accept that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting, especially when raising a child with autism.
Parenting a child with autism can bring unique joys and challenges arising from a multitude of factors—for example, first words, uncertainty about the future, communication deficits, managing challenging behaviors, and educational system challenges. This constant pressure from the challenges can have a negative emotional impact on parents. They tend to feel emotionally drained and void of self-care. Make your self-care a priority by maintaining your physical and mental well-being to promote a more positive parenting experience. There are three strategies that I advise parents to decrease their stress: (1) Use interventions, (2) make room for you, and (3) accept your mistakes.
1. Use Interventions: Applied Behavior Analysis
I recommend applied behavior analysis (ABA) therapy to parents of children with autism spectrum disorder (ASD). ABA is an intensive behavior therapy with a significant amount of empirical evidence indicating that it can improve the outcome for some children with ASD, especially if implemented in the early developmental period (i.e., before age 5). "ABA assists with improving social skills and functional communication, reducing challenging or maladaptive behaviors, and improving other early developmental outcomes for children with autism, which improves their independence and quality of life," said Dr. Megan Payer, Ph.D., BCBA, licensed clinical psychologist.
To be clear, ABA therapy does not extinguish autistic traits. If a child is diagnosed with ASD, they will always have ASD. ABA does not remove repetitive behaviors (i.e., “stimming”); however, it helps to reduce those behaviors. Dr. Payer shared that learned skills are generalized and applied in different situations, such as school and community settings. ABA works because it combines child development with behavioral approaches that apply to the children and their parents. Parents receive parent training to learn to apply discipline and other strategies between visits with ABA therapists. Collectively, this does not mean that children with ASD are taught to hide their neurodiversity. Instead, it instructs them on how to cope with their symptoms and live more independent and fulfilling lives.
What if I do not plan to use ABA? Suppose you are not interested in learning intervention strategies through an ABA program. In that case, a board-certified behavior analyst (BCBA) is a great professional to consult with regarding your concerns and to address your child’s individual needs. A BCBA can teach you how to individualize your disciplinary strategies to manage behaviors while designing programs tailored to your child’s needs. Until you can receive the support and guidance needed from an ABA program or a BCBA for behavior therapy, here are a few of my suggestions:
- Use clear and concise language when giving instructions.
- Use positive reinforcement.
- Consider redirection or using a distraction to shift focus.
- Establish a communication plan that includes alternative communication forms.
- Work closely with professionals who have specialized experience working with children with ASD.
2. Make Room for You
Engaging in activities that you enjoy is also essential to your mental health. Whether it is a cup of coffee or taking a brisk walk outside, you need respite care for rest and rejuvenation. A strong support network through groups or online communities helps as well. I encourage parents to share their experiences, including advising other parents, to provide emotional support and practical insights. A few other tips that can assist you with self-care include the following:
- Ensure you get enough restorative sleep.
- Maintain a balanced and nutritious diet.
- Engage in exercise, which helps alleviate stress and improve mood.
- Set clear boundaries and dedicated periods for self-care and leisure activities.
- Take short breaks throughout the day.
- Lighten your load. Share parenting responsibilities to provide you with more time for self-care.
- Maintain social connections with friends and family and spend time with them.
- Set aside time for activities you enjoy and are passionate about.
- Recognize your limits and say no. It's OK to prioritize your well-being.
3. Accept Your Mistakes: Don’t Be So Hard on Yourself
It's not uncommon for parents of autistic children to experience high levels of stress, self-doubt, and feelings of guilt. Parenting any child comes with its challenges, and raising a child with autism can present additional complexities. However, you must change your thoughts because experimenting with different strategies, even if they fail, is a good thing to have happen as you manage your child’s care. It assists you with establishing realistic expectations for your child and yourself. You can practice cognitive restructuring to challenge negative thoughts and replace them with more positive and realistic perspectives. Recognize and celebrate small victories and progress. Embrace and celebrate your child's unique strengths and abilities. Focus on their individual achievements rather than comparing them to neurotypical development.
Society is not always easy on parents who are raising children with special needs and often places unrealistic expectations on them. Parents can feel judged or misunderstood, leading to increased self-criticism and high expectations for themselves, and feel guilty if they believe they are falling short. Traditional parental roles and stereotypes can influence how parents perceive their effectiveness. Parents may struggle with feelings of not meeting the societal expectations of being a "good" parent. However, every child with autism is unique, and progress can vary significantly. If these feelings become overwhelming and difficult to cope with daily, consider seeking support from a mental health professional and participate in support groups or therapy sessions specifically tailored for parents of children with autism.
Being a parent is a journey filled with ups and downs, and it's OK not to have all the answers. Taking steps to prioritize your well-being and seeking support when needed can contribute to a healthier and more positive parenting experience. Every family's journey is unique, and finding the right balance and support system is key to managing stress and promoting the well-being of both parents and children.
