Safe Sex in the Time of COVID-19

What a difference a pandemic makes. Our world view on masturbation has changed immensely since early medical writing regarded masturbation as the cause of many diseases and illnesses. Today, the New York City Department of Health informs us, “You are your safest sex partner. Masturbation will not spread COVID-19, especially if you wash your hands (and any sex toys) with soap and water for at least 20 seconds before and after sex.” That is welcome guidance as presently masturbation is usually accepted by most people as a normal form of sexual release and healthy behavior. Indeed, forward-thinking clergy, healthcare professionals, and educators even advise modern parents to encourage their children to do so (typically in private), in the hope of raising sexually healthy adolescents and young adults who are at less risk for unwanted pregnancy and disease.

Many are apparently heeding this guidance. A review of analytics for internet pornography and/or erotica sites indicate that these platforms are receiving billions of “hits," suggesting that many millions of people are masturbating all over the world. In fact, in these days of COVID-19, these sites have experienced a dramatically increased surge of viewers.

Of course, much has already been written about masturbation and its positive benefits; a quick Google search identifies more than 50 million entries extolling its benefits. The self-care benefits cited include stress/tension reduction, elevated mood, and pleasure, among others. The euphoria an orgasm evokes is not just subjective, but also correlates with objective changes in the brain. There is a biochemical basis for the positive effects of masturbation. The pleasure and release an orgasm provides is apparent to anyone who is able to fully experience them, and the changes taking place in the body can be measured. It is a safe, natural high triggered by the release of “feel-good” endorphins and neurotransmitters in the brain like oxytocin, as well as dopamine, which activates “reward centers.”

As a sex therapist, I am heartened to see that so many entries also mention the important role masturbation can serve to improve sex, by cultivating new self-knowledge about one’s sexual preferences. Self-stimulation is a great way to learn more about what you like and what helps you have an orgasm. For those who already feel they know their body, this period of quarantine is a great time to discover more about yourself. Particularly if you started masturbating at a younger age, there is an opportunity to experiment a bit from what is tried and true to see what else might be of interest to improve your sexual self-awareness and your capacity. This should improve overall self-esteem and self-acceptance.

The above guidance is especially true for many women, who currently (and to a much greater extent historically) masturbate less frequently than men in most cultures. Happily, today there is both advocacy for and a fresh focus upon a women’s right to sexual pleasure and health. Certainly, since the publication of Our Bodies Ourselves in the 1970s, women have been encouraged to be free from laws, sexual myths, and “scientific” theories that contributed to inhibiting women from claiming their right to their own bodies, sexual pleasure, and health. Primers by sex researchers Lonnnie Barbach, Joe LoPiccolo, and Julia Heiman, in their respective classics, For Yourself and Becoming Orgasmic, helped teach women (along with the larger sex therapy movement) how they could learn to have their first orgasm through masturbation. Many women who came of age at that time subsequently benefited from such counsel, and today, younger women report masturbation frequencies—and satisfaction with the activity—at rates close to those of young men.

For those who feel more self-conscious about touching themselves, whether reticent, confused or ashamed, this period of sequester offers an opportunity for gradual self-exploration that could result in a diminishment of counterproductive inhibitions. This stay-at-home time directed by government guidelines can provide an opportunity to educate oneself on the benefits of masturbation. Online resources can help reconcile and put self-stimulation in perspective, in a manner that it is still congruent with diverse and varying world views on the topic. There is also a broad range of self-help books and magazine articles that are often free and easily available.

Not all of the benefits described above will necessarily be accessible to everyone immediately, but almost anyone can eventually learn to experience the pleasurable and relaxing feelings offered by self-stimulation. Such satisfaction and pleasure are in stark contrast to the angst so many feel during this pandemic. For those still unable to experience all that they might like, the crisis also provides time, not usually easily available, affording the opportunity to seek help online and/or in consultation with sex therapists who can provide virtual consultations on an as-needed basis.

While there are clearly immediate benefits when masturbating in this time of sequester, it also provides future opportunities for that sexual information to be effectively communicated to a partner. Sex therapists typically encourage and instruct how discovered self-knowledge about one’s own body can be communicated to partners. You can show or tell your partner what feels good to you, even if you have not done so in the past. Talking about both old and newly learned preferences can make a relationship stronger, more gratifying, and certainly more fun. And for those who are already highly sexual with their partners and/or those deciding to experiment with expanding their sexual repertoire, talking more about sex in an erotic way and stimulating yourselves simultaneously can help create an enhanced bond.

In conclusion, while I applaud and support the above as all to the good, it is also worth exploring whether masturbation is ever a problem. The answer has always been: Sometimes yes. A subsequent post will discuss some of the potential downsides and suggestions for how to overcome them so that the benefits of self-stimulation might be available to all in these difficult times.