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Highly Sensitive Person
When We Help Others, We Help Ourselves
Why the most sensitive people are the best people to offer help.
Posted January 16, 2015
Have you ever noticed that when someone is in distress or there is a crisis of some kind, the highly sensitive person is the one rushing in to help? Considering our tendency to become overwhelmed and upset by too much stimulation, you would think we’d hide from such experiences. So why do HSPs always feel the need to help? Perhaps it’s because we know what it’s like to need help.
Being a highly sensitive person is not easy. We live in a noisy, busy, often chaotic world which is too loud, too fast, and too much for us most of the time. We crave work that reflects our passions and allows us to do something meaningful, but the reality is that we have to make a living doing something practical. We long to be close to others and to feel that we really belong, but we all too often feel misunderstood and isolated as we try to protect our sensitive natures.
For most of us, we care deeply about other people. We can’t bear for anyone to be upset, unhappy or in conflict. We not only understand what people are going through, we can feel it. And we want to do something about it. We want to help. And yet getting involved in people’s worries and emotions, their struggles and anxieties and traumas usually leaves us feeling rattled, upset and overwhelmed.
HSPs not only sympathise with others, but to empathise to the extent that we absorb other people’s emotions like a sponge. When an HSP steps in to help, people feel better, lighter, less troubled, but the HSP walks away soaked through with others’ feelings as well as our own, leaving us saturated and dripping with emotion.
Perhaps it’s because the lives of HSPs are such a challenge and that we have ourselves been so misunderstood that we can understand what it’s like for others. Our own struggles to understand and accept ourselves often lead HSPs searching for both a sense of self and a sense of self-worth. Bombarded with messages that we’re different, that we’re too sensitive, too emotional, that we’re overreacting, that we’re just not good enough, we have all felt our self-esteem tremble and longed for a supportive and helping hand.
But perhaps it’s our sensitive nature that makes us want to help. With sensitivity there is struggle, but there is also compassion and empathy. There is understanding and warmth. And there is love. And perhaps that is what makes HSPs the very best people to help others. We know what it’s like to face challenges, to be misunderstood, to feel alone. And going through challenges ourselves gives us the strength not only to continue and thrive in our own lives, but to be there for others as well.
Knowing that you have a tremendous amount of inner resources like compassion, empathy and understanding enables you to see yourself not as a victim of circumstances, but a hero. It’s a matter of recognising the positive qualities you have inside you and realising that sensitivity is not a weakness, but a strength. How do you develop that strength?
1. Face life’s challenges. It’s the fear of what might happen that keeps us trapped in immobility.
2. Enforce your boundaries. While HSPs are natural givers, it’s not your job to rescue everyone. Balance your need to help with your need for quiet, solitude and plenty of down time. It’s easy for HSPs to fall into the trap of feeling at the mercy of other people’s feelings and needs, so learn to say no when it gets too much.
3. Be yourself. Many of us try to hide our sensitive selves in an effort to fit in or to avoid conflict. But if you nurture and respect your sensitivity rather than trying to suppress it, it will become a strength. Do what you need to do to be you, whether that’s spending time with animals, doing something creative or taking long walks in nature. The more you give yourself what you need, the more you will have to give to others.
Being highly sensitive can be challenging. But it also allows us to care deeply, feel intensely and to empathise passionately. Maybe by helping others, we are developing those skills and traits and reinforcing the idea in our own minds that we are not weak or victims or not good enough, but capable, strong, compassionate people who can help others as well as ourselves. And maybe that’s just what the world needs.
