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Highly sensitive people are masters of compassion and empathy, often giving our time and energy to others without question or expectation of anything in return. We love to help and we feel others’ emotions and struggles so intensely that we can’t help but offer our shoulder to cry on as well as a sympathetic ear. In addition, most HSPs are also introverts and enjoy spending time alone, often pursuing their own creative interests or reflecting on their experiences.
What this means is that HSPs can easily find themselves giving more than they’re receiving. We are particularly vulnerable not only to feeling different from other people, but isolating ourselves as we struggle to cope with feeling overwhelmed and undervalued, which can easily lead to feeling isolated and lonely. But highly sensitive people don’t have to go it alone, nor do we have to be social butterflies, filling our lives with Facebook friends and a bursting social calendar. We can find our need for silence and solitude, for creativity and reflection, as well as our need for human connection in our own unique way.
Sensitive, creative, introverted types need time to think and reflect, to withdraw from the stress of modern life and to pursue our creative interests. And we find peace and pleasure from solitude. Psychiatrist Anthony Storr writes that solitude is ‘linked with self-discovery and self-realization; with becoming aware of one’s deepest needs, feelings, and impulses’.
Similarly, American writer Anneli Rufus says ‘loners, by virtue of being loners, have at their fingertips the undiscovered, the unique and the rarefied; innate advantages when it comes to imagination; concentration; inner discipline; a knack for invention; originality, for finding resources in what others would call vacuums; a knack for visions.’
But it’s tempting, especially in our Western culture, to overestimate the value of independence. Many people praise the virtues of rugged individualism, admiring the lone cowboy who keeps his feelings hidden and his eyes on the horizon, never staying in one town for long. But while this view may be romantic, the pressure to tough it out and cope with all of life’s struggles alone ultimately serves only to add more pressure and stress to an already stressful life. For highly sensitive people, connecting to others can feel like a one-way street, but finding a way to ensure you are connected and supported, rather than a lone ranger, can be the difference between surviving and thriving.
Studies show that people who feel more connected to others have higher self-esteem and lower rates of anxiety and depression. They are also more empathic, more trusting and cooperative and, consequently, others are more open to trusting and cooperating with them.
Loneliness, then, writes Jo Griffin of the Mental Health Foundation, is not the result of being alone but a subjective experience of isolation. What that means is it’s not how many friends you have or how many activities you participate in that matters, but how isolated or connected you feel. This is good news for HSPs because we are often drawn to compassionate and creative pursuits that enable us to help others and to generate a feeling of connection, whether it’s with family, people we are helping, an online support group or other artists.
Highly sensitive people can easily feel isolated because our needs are often so different from the needs of other people. We need understanding, and we need the love and support of others as much as anyone else. It helps us to feel understood, safe and secure. It provides a sense of stability and connection from which our spirit and imagination can take flight, filling us with a sense of purpose while encouraging others to reach for their potential. And we can nurture this cycle of connection to others just by being our sensitive, empathic, creative selves.
