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Key points
- We've been living in a stress pandemic for years. As stress rises, more of us are on edge.
- Anger can be problematic, and awareness is the first step to shrinking stress and anger.
- A philosophy of acceptance, combined with rational problem-solving, can reduce the triple threat of anger.
Have you lately seen more people with short anger fuses—brooding, blaming, bickering, abusing, and holding grudges? We seem to be living in an age of rage where the more angry situations you face, the more anger may affect you. How can you protect yourself?
We’ll start by looking at the results of a national stress survey. You’ll next find an age of rage test that points to stress-anger traps, some of which you can avoid and others you can learn to manage. Then, we’ll explore how you can cope with your anger, whether you live in an age of rage or in calmer times.
A Stress Pandemic
According to a 2020 American Psychological Association Stress in America Survey, 79 percent of respondents reported that COVID-19 was stressful. No surprise here. But anger seems elevated as well. Some 20 percent of the respondents reported being on edge, snapping at others, and yelling and screaming at loved ones (1).
Since 2007, Stress in America surveys showed a consistent and higher than desirable stress level. For example, 80 percent of the October 2017 survey respondents reported at least one significant stress the month before the survey. Thirty-five percent reported irritability and anger (2).
These numbers are red flags. They also signal that a lot of people are on edge with short tempers. Thus, the risks for unpleasant confrontations are higher, and we’d best be mindful of that. There’s more. Elevated levels of anger can have a ruinous effect on relationships. Harboring hostile thoughts makes things worse. Persistently high stress-anger levels also cause wear and tear on the body, elevating physical and psychological health risks for those affected.
Even if your resilience is sinking lower from exposure to multiple stressors, you are not in a hopeless bind. You can control some social stressors by avoiding or coping with them. You can re-evaluate and defuse excess anger you create in your mind.
An Age of Rage Test
The following age of rage test describes a sample of stressful people situations that can collectively add to your stress and anger levels. Count the situations below that you find stressful or anger-triggering.
1. Negative TV news and images of violence.
2. Argumentative people who act provocatively.
3. Internet trolls who intentionally evoke animosity.
4. Short-tempered people who yell and won’t listen to reason.
5. People who do shoddy work and overcharge.
6. Politicians instigating “we versus them” conflicts.
7. Hypocritical control freaks lecturing you on how you should think.
8. People in power getting away with too much.
9. Narcissists who demand adoration while screwing you over.
10. People who whine, complain, and blame.
11. Nasty customer service representatives.
12. Con artists who deceive, manipulate, and betray trust.
You may have other pet people peeves. So, if you often feel affected by them, and by a few or more of the above, welcome to the club.
Fortunately, some people problems have practical solutions. For example, if watching bickering people on TV feels irritating, switch the channel. Try to lessen your social contact with complainers and increase time with people who tend to be pleasant and supportive.
Here are two pivotal techniques to combat anger amplifying thinking. Then, if you want more techniques, see six links to resources.
The Triple Trouble Challenge
A colleague passes you by without saying, "Hi," and you take this as an intentional snub. You feel angry. You fume, plot revenge, and distract yourself from preparing for a presentation you have in an hour. Then you blame your colleague for messing up your concentration. Next, by demanding, “I must calm down,” you amplify the tension you want to reduce.
Welcome to a triple trouble world. The first trouble was assuming the colleague snubbed you without direct proof of that. Next, you escalated your tension by stewing and planning revenge. Finally, you amplified the feeling, demanding that you must not feel the way you do. You considered yelling, screaming, and punching holes in walls to help reduce this tension. This catharsis is likely to do more harm than good (3). Let’s try another way.
Using the snubbing situation, the following contrasts a toxic anger process with rational alternatives.
__
Toxic Anger Process Rational Alternatives
__
1. Fume and stir yourself up. 1. Ask: "How important was the snub?
2. Distress yourself with angry 2. Suspend judgment and get the facts.
thoughts of getting even.
3. Amplify your angry feelings by 3. Accept your angry feelings and
forcing yourself to calm down. you may lessen them.
4. Blame others for how you feel. 4. Do a retake by respectfully talking to
your colleague about your
observation.
__
Suppose you later learned your colleague’s mate just received a diagnosis for metastasizing cancer, and your colleague was lost in emotional thought about that situation. Would that make a difference?
Here’s another choice. Check out Albert Ellis’s rational emotive behavioral therapy (REBT) philosophy of acceptance. Negative things happen. You can grimly accept (not like) what is. Maybe you can do something constructive. Perhaps you can’t. In the latter case, the title to the Beatles’ song, “Let It Be,” might be the best you can do.
(C) 2021
References
Here are three more anger-reducing resources: Overcoming Anger, Combating Anger Thinking, Protect Yourself from Anger. To improve critical life skills, here are three blogs from The Albert Ellis Pioneer in Thinking Tribute Blog Series: Think Your Way to Happiness, 13 Ways to Make Self-Help Therapy Work, Breaking an Anxiety, Depression, Perfectionism, Connection.
We dedicate this Pioneer in Thinking post to the memory of Dr. John Minor, whose social applications of REBT were inspirational.
Dr. Bill Knaus, former Director of Post-Doctoral Training, REBT. Author, The Cognitive Behavioral Workbook for Anger.
Dr. Irwin Altrows, REBT supervisor and Adjunct Assistant Professor, Queen’s University, Ontario, Canada.
American Psychological Association 2017. “Stress in America: The State of Our Nation.” Stress in America Survey.
American Psychological Association 2020. “Stress in America: The State of Our Nation.” Stress in America Survey.
Bushman, B. J. 2002. “Does venting anger feed or extinguish the flame? Catharsis, rumination, distraction, anger and aggressive responding.” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 28(6): 724–73.
