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Happy spring!
With a change of seasons come new patters and goals. I would like to propose that having a weekly date night will save your sex life.
Doesn't matter if your current sexual relationship is hot or not.
Couples who commit to having time alone together on a regular basis are helping their relationship in two separate ways. First, the time together spent talking, sharing and participating in an activity will help create and maintain our emotional intimacy bond.
Second, having time alone together will help protect our privacy from the incursions of kids, jobs and the stress of life. In short, having and maintaining an emotional connection will contribute to saving your sex life by keeping you close and prioritizing your relationship.
Some couples struggle with this weekly date night concept. "we are so busy, we don't have time, " or "we don't have any childcare," or the real reason "I would rather have that time alone or with my kids."
Most of the reason, in my professional opinion, that the state of marriage is in decline and the quality of our sexual connection is horrid is because we don't take the time necessary to be in connection with each other.
If you want evidence of this just look at America's sexual script.
A sexual script is essentially a template of what a couple does sexually when they are together. An example of a good sexual script includes kissing, foreplay (giving and receiving) and intercourse.
As a Marriage and Sex Therapist seeing patients all day long, the sexual script I often hear from couples experiencing sexual or marital dissatisfaction usually predictably goes something like this.
The man will initiate sex by verbally asking "Do you want to?", this is followed by 30 seconds of kissing (although sometimes this part is completely optional) followed by dry and disconnected intercourse.
I don't know about you but to me this sounds like a recipe for disaster, which includes being very depressed about the way we go about being sexual. This is why low sexual desire is rampant in the world today; it's because who desires to do that? Lame with a capitol "L", right?
Masturbating just began to sound more satisfying
.
What I tell couples to move forward is to set aside a consistent time and day in their week to connect, it's like having an emotional intimacy date to get back in connection over dinner, cocktails or a walk.
Then, I suggest that we mutually agree to follow up the emotional intimacy date with a physical intimacy date that includes kissing, touching, foreplay and ultimately sex. No rushing, let the script last 30-45 minutes, if you lose your erection don't panic, just focus on doing another activity such as foreplay to see if you can regain it. Most scripts are rushed through because of the worry of erection loss.
By focusing on having that weekly date time set aside, you can accomplish reconnecting emotionally and sexually and protect your relationship from deteriorating.
By having a longer and more satisfying sexual script, you will eliminate sexual dysfunction by allowing your bodies to become fully aroused and relaxing into the process of sex.
Remember that poor excuse of "we don't have time" or "we can't find a sitter", trust me when I say organizing these components is a lot simpler and cheaper than organizing a separation or a divorce because someone feel unhappy and ignored.
Save your sex life and ultimately your marriage by making the commitment to yourselves and each other to give the gift of a weekly connection.
A healthy connection in your relationship is the gift that keeps on giving, all four seasons.
