Perfectly Hidden Depression

Shame

How I Began to Confront My Own Perfectionism and Shame

Margaret R Rutherford Ph.D. on June 20, 2024

A Personal Perspective: The funny thing that shame does? It lies to you. It tells you that you're so terrible. And that you must be the worst of the worst.

A Personal Perspective: The funny thing that shame does? It lies to you. It tells you that you're so terrible. And that you must be the worst of the worst.

Suicide

After a Suicide: "How Could I Not Have Known?"

Margaret R Rutherford Ph.D. on April 16, 2024

Bewildered and grieving widows and widowers, mothers and fathers, as well as best friends have asked me, "What did I miss?"

Bewildered and grieving widows and widowers, mothers and fathers, as well as best friends have asked me, "What did I miss?"

Shame

How Toxic Positivity Leads to Shame

Margaret R Rutherford Ph.D. on February 5, 2024

Having negative emotions routinely denied or ignored can lead someone to experience shame for feeling them at all.

Having negative emotions routinely denied or ignored can lead someone to experience shame for feeling them at all.

Depression

7 Steps to Opening Up About Depression

Margaret R Rutherford Ph.D. on November 28, 2023

Choosing who to talk to and how to do it is very important to ensure that you feel understood and accepted, rather than judged.

Choosing who to talk to and how to do it is very important to ensure that you feel understood and accepted, rather than judged.

Sexual Abuse

The Silent Shame of Sexual Abuse

Margaret R Rutherford Ph.D. on August 28, 2023

In cases of sexual abuse, arousal can happen. But arousal is not consent. That distinction has to be made to challenge the intense yet silent shame a victim may carry.

In cases of sexual abuse, arousal can happen. But arousal is not consent. That distinction has to be made to challenge the intense yet silent shame a victim may carry.

Loneliness

Are You Too Busy to Admit Loneliness? You're Not Alone

Margaret R Rutherford Ph.D. on July 13, 2023

How would you answer the question, "Are you lonely?" If it's, "Gosh, no. My life is so busy, I don't have time for that," consider this.

How would you answer the question, "Are you lonely?" If it's, "Gosh, no. My life is so busy, I don't have time for that," consider this.

Depression

3 Hurdles That Can Make Healing From Depression Hard

Margaret R Rutherford Ph.D. on May 30, 2023

The fight is taking place on two opposing battlefields. You need to engage outwardly while struggling to break free of depression's implosive force. What can get in your way?

The fight is taking place on two opposing battlefields. You need to engage outwardly while struggling to break free of depression's implosive force. What can get in your way?

Narcissism

What Can Blind You to Narcissism

Margaret R Rutherford Ph.D. on April 12, 2023

Since narcissists are not likely to give you consistent affirmation, you might be stuck asking, "Am I enough?"

Since narcissists are not likely to give you consistent affirmation, you might be stuck asking, "Am I enough?"

Grief

When Grief Stays Silent

Margaret R Rutherford Ph.D. on March 4, 2023

Carrying around a sense of victimization isn't the answer. But toxic positivity isn't, either.

Carrying around a sense of victimization isn't the answer. But toxic positivity isn't, either.

Suicide

How Many More Suicides Will It Take?

Margaret R Rutherford Ph.D. on January 17, 2023

Science has not found a way to accurately predict suicide. Mental health professionals need to recognize this fact.

Science has not found a way to accurately predict suicide. Mental health professionals need to recognize this fact.

Depression

Is the Lens for Discovering Depression Overly Narrow?

Margaret R Rutherford Ph.D. on July 31, 2022

Psychology needs to take note, as we can easily make a similar mistake when it comes to diagnosing depression. We're not looking through a wide enough lens.

Psychology needs to take note, as we can easily make a similar mistake when it comes to diagnosing depression. We're not looking through a wide enough lens.

Trauma

Hatred Is Not a Mental Illness

Margaret R Rutherford Ph.D. on June 26, 2022

Hatred can be taught, modeled, absorbed, even fostered. It can dehumanize its targets and justify violence. Mental illness does not need to be present.

Hatred can be taught, modeled, absorbed, even fostered. It can dehumanize its targets and justify violence. Mental illness does not need to be present.

Embarrassment

Am I a Puppet of My Own Shame?

Margaret R Rutherford Ph.D. on April 27, 2022

You may not realize that your unconscious hurt and shame are puppeteers controlling your actions.

You may not realize that your unconscious hurt and shame are puppeteers controlling your actions.

Codependency

Codependence or Interdependence: Avoid One, Welcome the Other

Margaret R Rutherford Ph.D. on April 2, 2022

The lack of healthy relationship interdependence can explain the intense loneliness of those experiencing perfectly hidden depression.

The lack of healthy relationship interdependence can explain the intense loneliness of those experiencing perfectly hidden depression.

Guilt

Nine Steps Toward Letting Go of Guilt

Margaret R Rutherford Ph.D. on February 27, 2022

Realize she may not have the capacity of understanding the impact she’s having on you. She’s not withholding something from you; she’s likely incapable of giving it.

Realize she may not have the capacity of understanding the impact she’s having on you. She’s not withholding something from you; she’s likely incapable of giving it.

Depression

4 Options If Your Therapist Hurts You or Makes You Mad

Margaret R Rutherford Ph.D. on January 29, 2022

Resolving conflict within the therapeutic relationship can be very empowering.

Resolving conflict within the therapeutic relationship can be very empowering.

Grief

5 Lessons Learned From Living Through Grief

Margaret R Rutherford Ph.D. on December 22, 2021

Grief comes in waves. Just when you think the tide is going out and you've survived another day, a rogue wave will hit you.

Grief comes in waves. Just when you think the tide is going out and you've survived another day, a rogue wave will hit you.

Imposter Syndrome

Escaping the Prison of Perfectionism and Imposter Syndrome

Margaret R Rutherford Ph.D. on November 30, 2021

An adaptation that was likely created as protection, as emotional survival, now has morphed into a fear of being found out — and imposter syndrome is created.

An adaptation that was likely created as protection, as emotional survival, now has morphed into a fear of being found out — and imposter syndrome is created.

Depression

Are You "Fine"—or Emotionally Disconnected?

Margaret R Rutherford Ph.D. on October 25, 2021

"I have a perfect-looking life. I fear anyone seeing me as out of control. It's why I'm successful. But something is cracking open—and it scares me."

"I have a perfect-looking life. I fear anyone seeing me as out of control. It's why I'm successful. But something is cracking open—and it scares me."

Memory

How to Survive a Disapproving Mother

Margaret R Rutherford Ph.D. on September 26, 2021

I heard a shaming voice, loud and clear. My voice, not my mother’s. “How could you not care about the way you look?"

I heard a shaming voice, loud and clear. My voice, not my mother’s. “How could you not care about the way you look?"