How to Feel Less Lonely

Here’s something you might not know about loneliness: While it’s a common experience at every stage of life, it’s less likely to be a problem for midlife adults than it is for people who are either younger or older.

That’s not to say that those of us in midlife never find ourselves feeling lonely. Most people, regardless of age, find themselves experiencing feelings of loneliness from time to time. But as for the kind of soul-crushing loneliness that never goes away? That’s less common at midlife—thankfully.

All that said, midlife is a good time to pause and take stock of your relationships: to consider how connected you feel to other people, both in terms of the number of connections and the intensity of those connections. There’s a solid body of research that shows that people tend to report increased levels of loneliness after age 50, so it’s important to be intentional about investing in the relationships that mean the most to you. Relationships, like houseplants, can wither if you neglect them for too long, so you don’t want to get in the habit of taking people in your life for granted.

And if you do find yourself struggling with loneliness from time to time?

Here are four strategies that can help.

1. Ditch any shame you might be carrying about feeling lonely

While social media might give you the impression that everyone else is out there living their best life, surrounded by a huge group of adoring friends, the research tells us otherwise. More than half of Americans report feeling lonely on a regular basis. It’s also worth reminding yourself that feeling lonely can, in fact, be a positive sign: proof positive that you’re eager to connect with others.

2. Take small steps to boost your sense of belonging

Wave at other people when you’re out for a walk.

Take a moment to chat with the cashier at the checkout counter.

Spend time in public spaces like parks and libraries—any place that is likely to bring you into contact with other people.

And, while you’re at it, look for opportunities to make life better for other people. One of the easiest ways to boost your own mood—and to chase away that underlying feeling of loneliness—is to do something nice for someone else. That might mean doing a one-time favor for a neighbor or volunteering with a community group—whatever it takes to connect with someone else in a meaningful way.

3. Revisit a happy memory

Think about other times in your life when you were in the company of people you cared about. Allow the positive feelings you’re able to derive from this memory to boost your confidence in your ability to make and keep friends and to inspire you to take steps to connect with others.

4. Take a walk in the park—literally

Spending time in nature can boost feelings of interconnectedness—that sense of being part of something much bigger than yourself. Tapping into this sense of wonder and awe can leave you feeling less lonely.

And, of course, inviting someone else to accompany you on a walk will allow you to connect with that other person at the same time (and in a wonderfully low-pressure way that’s all about enjoying a shared activity).

Finally, be alert to the warning signs that loneliness might be becoming a problem for you. Psychologists tend to differentiate between situational loneliness (feeling lonely under particular circumstances) and chronic loneliness (feeling lonely all the time). A person who is struggling with loneliness on an ongoing basis might benefit from tapping into support from a therapist who can help them identify and deal with the underlying causes of that loneliness. The good news? Help is available.

To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.