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This post is long overdue. This year has been quite challenging for Indigo and me. I completed my second year of grad school, graduating with my MFA in Writing for Children...and Indigo turned sixteen. I am in awe at how far we’ve come. I will discuss our various challenges and successes over the year in future posts. Today, I want to focus on the fact that my son’s sixteenth birthday snuck onto the calendar, despite our hectic schedules, and I was not mentally prepared for what comes with this milestone year.
What is the most significant event of turning sixteen? I'll give you a hint: it involves a car.
Now that I have a moment to reflect, panic sets in. Indigo is driving. Driving a car. On the road. Driving! This is no surprise to him. He has been ready to drive since he got his first "real" toy car for his third birthday.
But I have never been ready for Indigo to drive. I am not ready for him to grow up. Is any mother ready?
When I turned sixteen I was eager, like most teenagers, to get my driver’s license. But no one would teach me. My parents were divorced so my father was not around. My mother worked multiple jobs while she went back to college fulltime. She wouldn’t chance the possibility of a car wreck and she couldn’t afford the exasperatingly high car insurance. So I didn’t get my permit until age eighteen when my friend agreed to teach me. But after a few driving attempts, I was afraid that I would wreck her car so I stopped driving altogether.
Even though it took two hours (each way) on the bus to get to college, I didn’t renew my permit until I was 25. I waited another year to learn how to drive, and I only learned because I was moving and needed a car to get back and forth to work. I finally got my license at age 27. Now I cannot imagine a life without driving.
I don’t want Indigo to be afraid of driving like I was. I don’t him to struggle with transportation issues like I did. I want him to become independent. For these reasons, I support Indigo’s enthusiasm to drive. But as his mother, I am terrified. Not because he is a bad driver. He is actually a great driver. I’m impressed with his driving skills. He keeps the car straight and stays in his lane. He brakes appropriately and remembers his turn signals. His turning could use a little more finesse, but he’s getting better at it and his parking is decent. Although, we haven’t tried parallel parking yet. I’m sure that will take some time to get used to, but I trust he will figure it out. I am confident in his abilities.
So why am I so scared?
Whenever Indigo drives, I sit in the passenger seat with my fists clenched and my stomach in knots, even though he is a cautious driver. I remain calm, mostly, but Indigo laughs at my nervousness. He actually said to me once, “I can’t believe how calm you're acting. That's what's scary. You being calm, not me driving.”
I worry because once he gets his license, he will be driving on his own. I won’t be able to help him navigate. He won’t have someone saying, “Now slow down and make a right turn here; turn here. Turn-Here. Here means right here. Okay, now you’ve missed your turn. Take the next right so we can turn around.”
I worry that Indigo won’t be able to read the road signs quickly enough, that he might not see the whole picture around him. I worry about other people on the road that don't drive cautiously, how Indigo’s visual spatial issues might affect his judgment, and how his response time may not be quick enough in unexpected situations.
But I don’t let these fears stop him from driving. I signed him up for driver’s education and he passed the writing test. He is currently taking driving lessons with the driving instructor, in addition to practicing with me and other family members. I am definitely buying him a GPS before he gets his license so he can have a co-pilot in case he gets lost or has trouble reading signs in new places.
We are doing everything by the book, and I often joke with him that he is the Ted Mosby (How I Met Your Mother reference) of our family because of all his "Fun Facts" on driving. But letting Indigo drive feels like the first real step in letting him grow up. It’s not easy. But I am proud of his continuous enthusiasm and determination to master this next phase of life. I am proud that he takes driving seriously and follows the rules of the road.
One tip I can pass on: You can schedule a learner's permit exam at the registry of motor vehicles that will accommodate you or your child’s needs. Indigo was allotted extended time, and he completed a paper test instead of their standard electronic version because he felt more confident writing down his answers than touching a screen.
But this is all new territory for me. So I turn this post over to you and ask:
If you have NLD, do you drive? If so, what strategies could you share with Indigo?
If you are the parent of a teenager with NLD, what are your thoughts, advice, and questions on him/her driving?
