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Most of us have a pretty clear understanding of how a narcissistic individual behaves. They are often highly obsessed with how they are perceived by others and feel entitled to the admiration and respect of the people with whom they interact.
Narcissism is an interesting construct as it is built around an individual’s self-held belief in his or her own elite status. Narcissists do not consciously doubt their superiority to other people and they have no trouble acknowledging what they believe are their superlative qualities to others.
If there is a front of the line, narcissists have no doubt that this is where they belong. If there’s a better table, narcissists will scheme to be seated at the place they feel is their due. They don’t feel the need to “prove” their worth as they have no awareness that others might doubt their worth.
Narcissism assessment instruments measure a wide array of traits that can combine together to yield a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. However, some of the traits of narcissism are actually traits that can enhance an individual’s chance of success and rising as a leader. These traits are those that are often found in the people we might consider “born leaders.”
What is Charisma?
Charisma can be a quality that is notice on multiple levels. Some charismatic individuals radiate a highly charged, but unforced, sex appeal. Their physical presence and their gaze can create a buzz of energy in a room and it can be physically felt by those around them. It’s exciting to catch the eye of someone with charisma as the gaze can charge you up and heighten your senses. Charismatic individuals draw your attention without even necessarily trying to do so. Charisma also involves a strong level of self-regard and pride in oneself and one’s ideas. Charismatic individuals believe in themselves and don’t typically feel the need to try and “force” others to believe in what they have to offer. Most human beings who have been raised in relatively healthy conditions also have a developed sense of empathy – the ability to “feel” what another person is feeling. When you’re around charismatic people, their positive outlooks and sense of self can be virtually contagious via the empathy pathway. You see their confidence and their commitment to a cause and your positive response to the charisma-radiating leader inspires your own belief and commitment to the same cause.
What is Narcissism?
Narcissists are preternaturally obsessed with themselves from how they dress to how they look to where they are standing in a room. A healthy level of narcissism ensures that we present ourselves well when among others; an unhealthy level of narcissism leads us to focus only on our desires and how we can achieve them – even if it involves using the people around us. Narcissism includes having an inflated sense of importance to others as well as experiencing a sense of entitlement. One of the most ironic aspects of narcissism is that the disorder is often accompanied by a decidedly low level of self-esteem. Narcissists are driven to present themselves as “bigger and better than real life” by an unacknowledged fear that they have absolutely nothing to offer others in terms of substance or self. Narcissists are seldom able to bend many people to their desires for very long – unlike the positive feelings and emotional charge that you feel when alongside a charismatic leader, the narcissist’s self-absorption and self-aggrandizement eventually surface for what they are and the false shell of charisma cracks open and you experience a need to head for the door, not follow her lead.
Charisma meets Narcissism Head-On
One of the qualities that many narcissists are frequently using to their advantage is something termed, social boldness. This trait coupled with extraversion create the person who lives to be the center of attention. They develop a certain flair that they wear as easily as any mask and this persona is the image that draws in admirers and climbers who see the mask, but not the person behind it. Once the mask slips or cracks in the persona appear, the social confidence is threatened and the narcissist works harder to keep up the façade. Fortunately, the slippage of the mask can tip off others and the negative vibes can be strong enough to scatter the flock of sycophants or cast doubt among the narcissist’s followers.
Charismatic people also have a strong level of social confidence and this is also reflected in their self-confidence and their belief in their own ideas. The similarities fade, though, when we also note that charismatic leaders also believe in the worth and value of the people around them. We like to be led by charismatic leaders because they also make us feel good about ourselves and what we are bringing to the table. Charisma is the sum of who you are, what you believe about yourself, how you reveal your passion to others, and the ties that you build to each individual you want to have on board. Narcissists view others as threats to their own standing and are more likely to steal your idea than support it. People with true charisma don’t feel the need to constantly seek out validation from others regarding their worth, but narcissists need praise as much as they need food and water.
The Trick to Knowing the Difference
When it comes right down to it, the clearest way to determine whether you’re being suckered by a narcissist or inspired by a charismatic force is to ask yourself a couple of questions:
- Does this person create a sense of purpose around the task or goal at hand?
- Does this person acknowledge my own strengths and encourage me to grow as a person or team member?
- Does this person have to ask for validation or does he offer it to others who are involved in the project?
- Lastly, when the leader meets with obstacles or has to re-work a plan, does she lash out at everyone around her – placing the blame for the failure on others or does she accept that there may be a better path to success and gather her team around her to work together to plot a new course?
Narcissists are unable to withstand failure and refuse to take personal responsibility when projects fall apart. Charismatic leaders don’t like failure any more than the rest of us, but they can respond constructively while building up the team’s new focus.
Charismatic leaders will take you and your colleagues places you have might never have thought possible. Their positive energy radiates throughout the room and gets everyone humming – it’s like “good vibrations” are literally connecting each one of you to one another and the team captain. These are the leaders who rise head and shoulders above others as they recognize and express appreciation for the value each member will bring to the team.
