Are Introverts More Effective Negotiators?

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The Bible says, “Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the Earth.” Yet meekness tends to be held in disdain in today’s extrovert-driven society, seen as weakness in a world that promotes power.

Introversion can carry negative connotation. Introverts are often overlooked with a certain smug superiority by extroverts, assumed to be soft and viewed as pushovers. Perhaps it’s time to challenge those assumptions, to ensure that the voices of introverts are given the space they deserve. It’s worth exploring if, in fact, introverts may be more effective negotiators.

Susan Cain’s ground-breaking book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking raised awareness that as the world rewards extroverts and encourages a bombastic attack on life, many have come to talk over, minimize, and discount the voices of introverts. In doing so, valuable input, insights, perceptions, and counterbalances are missed. The benefit of creativity that comes from recognizing and respecting different approaches is lost.

Introverts tend to be more introspective, often preferring to work alone, and, typically, thinking through ideas before speaking. Extroverts tend to prefer to work in groups, formulating their ideas and views as they speak.

Benefits of introversion in negotiation

Traditional perceptions of negotiation are based on a belief that toughness carries the day and that the person talking the loudest and longest wins. These beliefs are based on myths. Societal conditioning defines success based on a ‘masculine’ competitive model, yet studies (and experience) suggest that a more collaborative approach leads to better buy-in, relationships, and outcomes; longer lasting agreements; and more creative solutions.

Introverts hold distinct (but often overlooked) advantages in negotiation generally, and particularly under this collaborative approach.

(i) Empathy

Empathy is one of the foundational elements of the art of feminine negotiation—the art of persuasion and influence. Seeking to truly understand the other party’s needs and perspective is critical to successful negotiation outcomes. Introverts arguably bring superior skills to the table in this regard, whereas extroverts’ need to dominate the conversation and drive to pre-determined results leaves little room for authentic understanding and for mutually beneficial creative solutions.

(ii) Active Listening

Integrally tied to empathy, is the ability to listen effectively. Extroverts do not fare so well in this important area, whereas introverts’ increased tendency to listen intently serves well.

Effective listening involves both passive and active listening skills. Not only is it important to listen without distractions or judgment, but to be seen to be listening (i.e., making eye contact, leaning in, nodding). Waiting for one’s turn to speak is not listening.

Active listening involves reflecting back (or paraphrasing) what the other person has said. This is in part to reassure them one has listened to their position and also to check-in that one’s understanding is accurate. Studies suggest that humans are inherently unreliable in perspective-taking; one’s perceptions of others’ perspectives are routinely inaccurate. Sharing understanding of the other party’s position allows for early correction of misunderstandings and avoids negotiations going off the rails unnecessarily.

Introverts’ higher willingness and skillset in the art of listening is a significant advantage in terms of both relationship and substantive negotiating outcomes.

(iii) Invoking the Power of Questions

Tied to effective listening is the ability to use the power of questions to gain a deeper understanding of the other party’s needs in a negotiation. Again, introverts are more likely to invoke this critical skill than extroverts. Extroverts tend to show less interest in the position or needs of the other party, seeking instead to dominate with their needs, views, and desired outcomes.

(iv) Preparation

Some experts suggest that preparation accounts for 45% of one’s success in any given negotiation. Again, introverts tend to have an edge in this regard. Studies suggest that introverts prepare more. Perhaps it is the discomfort of the exercise of negotiating that drives them to fully prepare as compared to the extrovert’s willingness to fly by the seat of their pants. Either way, the preparation serves introverts well in coming to better outcomes in negotiations.

(v) Thinking Before Speaking

In addition to listening more attentively, introverts also tend to think before they speak. Unlike extroverts (who sometimes process their thoughts as they’re speaking aloud), introverts typically avoid speaking without considered thought. This can be a significant asset in negotiation.

Introversion Essential Reads

Why Introverted Personalities Make Great Project Managers

3 Ways to Be a Healthier Introvert

Approaching a negotiation as a conversation, seeking to get deeper understanding of the underlying and unstated needs of the other party, allows for new perspectives and opens paths for more creative unanticipated outcomes that serve the higher good for all involved.

Negotiating tips for introverts

Here’s some quick tips for introverts to step into their innate skills to maximize effectiveness as a negotiator.

I Mentally Prepare

Introverts need to get into the right mindset to negotiate. In advance of the negotiation, recognize and flip limiting beliefs about aspiration levels and expectations that don’t serve (i.e. that the process will be challenging or that chances of success are limited). Going into a negotiation with confidence about one’s ability to achieve desired outcomes increases effectiveness.

II Recognize the Value of the Introvert’s Voice

Introverts’ voices are valid. Own that fundamental truth. The fact that one’s voice doesn’t boom or one doesn’t talk over others to make a point does not detract from the importance of the message. In fact, introverts’ tendency to give full thought to ideas before giving them voice arguably makes their point of view even more valuable to consider.

III Trust One’s Negotiation Style

There are various negotiation styles. When one doesn’t trust their natural negotiation style, they’re more likely to be overpowered and talked over. Knowing, trusting, and recognizing the strength and power of one’s natural negotiation style is a foundational building block to increasing one’s persuasive abilities.

IV Stay True to Oneself

Introverts may think they have to match an extrovert’s level of energy when negotiating. This can lead to ceding power to the extrovert because s/he is in their element while the introvert is trying to fit into a preconceived but unnatural model.

V Use Introversion as an Advantage

Examples abound where extroverts talk themselves into messy situations. Introverts can use that to their advantage. When an extrovert talks their way into a corner, one can gently point out what just happened. Not gloating, but coming from a place of compassion, rapport-building, and empathy, building a bridge for more open, respectful dialogue.

Perhaps it’s time to dispel the myth that introverts are at a disadvantage in negotiation and instead start to view the traits of introversion as a strength rather than a liability.