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To your tweens, the COVID pandemic may seem like an outbreak described in their favorite dystopian graphic novel. In general, tweens have demonstrated an incredible ability to accommodate these stressful circumstances. As case numbers rise, states and local municipalities face varying levels of rules and restrictions in an effort to slow down the rate of infection. It is often hard to gauge how individual tweens will react to such drastic shifts in their daily lives. This is particularly true for more sensitive and fragile kids who tend to have more difficulty switching and dealing with sudden environmental shifts or changes.
Understanding the impact of development
The tween years are marked by a transition from concrete, aka black and white thinking, to the beginning of abstract thinking which will blossom during their teen years. General development tends to vary greatly from tween to tween. This translates into kids who have different rates of maturity and competencies. Tweens who are socially savvy, for example, may seem more mature and outgoing than their less developed peers. Meanwhile, intellectually mature tweens are often introspective and introverted. In fact, it is the more insightful tweens that are often more anxious. This can be attributed to their keen understanding of the world around them. They see the outside environment so clearly and are often confused and even frustrated that their less developed peers do not seem to see what they see or at least care.
What is cocooning and how does it occur?
In these unprecedented times, we have all had to accommodate in ways we probably never would have thought possible. In the early efforts to flatten the coronavirus curve, we went into lockdown mode. Although it may have taken some time to acclimate to these new rules and requirements, we learned to adapt. In settling in with our families, we each created our own separate cocoons, predominantly insulated from the outside world. Our homes became the center of everything from work to play. Families were at the center of each domicile.
For many, cocooning became comfortable, a controlled and predictable environment. This was especially true for our more anxious tweens who enjoyed being shielded from the awkward interactions they often experienced in the outside world. When at last some of the most severe restrictions lifted, many tweens rejoiced and quickly found ways to reconnect with their peers. However, some of our more anxious tweens resisted the reintegration.
Why choose isolation over integration?
Cocooning provides the opportunity to shut out the outside world. For many tweens, this may present a particularly attractive option. Because the tween years are so often marked by awkwardness and a developing self-assuredness, the idea of not having to deal with these stressors may be worth the trade-off of being isolated. For some tweens, these circumstances provided an unprecedented opportunity to explore and engage in independent pursuits. Many tweens who struggled with the school environment, suddenly began to thrive academically because they no longer had to deal with the daily stress of in-person school.
When, however, it was time to go back to at least a hybrid school situation (switching off between going to school some days and staying home alternate days to attend school virtually), there was a large subset of tweens who simply refused. They worked hard to accommodate to the lockdown situation. Change is difficult, and these kids are unwilling or perhaps unable to switch set and return. Tweens who struggle in social situations were given a free license to simply step away from the stress. And while more extroverted tweens figured out ways to stay connected with their friends via social media, or video chats, phone calls, and texting, socially anxious tweens were permitted to simply focus on family instead of friends. Some of them found solace connecting with virtual friends made through gaming or social media sites.
In some instances, these kids may be fueled by the concerns of their parents especially if they live in households with individuals with high-risk health conditions. Children take their cues from their parents, so kids with parents who are anxious about contracting COVID are naturally anxious themselves.
How to help your tween break free
There comes a time when caterpillars break out of the cocoon to fly free as butterflies. The transformation from caterpillar to butterfly is gradual. With this in mind, the best way to encourage your isolating tween is to re-enter the outside world slowly. If you meet with some resistance, you may want to join the process. Start by suggesting that he start connecting with friends and family via video chat or phone calls. See if you can set up a socially distant activity such as a hike or meet up with some friends or family.
If your tween has been attending school virtually but has the option to attend hybrid, encourage him to do so. This is especially important if the child has had a history of school refusal. Sign your tween up for an interactive online video class. This pandemic has created so many opportunities to learn and engage in fun online experiences. By enrolling your tween in an online class, they will get practice interacting with others while enjoying a fun activity.
The comfort of cocooning is clear. During these unprecedented times, some tweens have found that the best way to manage the anxiety and stress of the outside world is to shut it out completely. Although this stop-gap measure might bring calm in the moment, it is important to help tweens re-integrate themselves. This will ensure that they will be ready and able to acclimate once the outside world opens up.
