The Story Of One Sexually Abused Girl

The Story Of One Sexually Abused Girl

Current Estimates Are That 20%, Or One In Five People Have Experienced Childhood Sexual Abuse.

Angie:

Angie was sexually abused by her father when she was seven. She was in group therapy with me when she was 14; the year the courts sent her to live in a group home for girls. Approximately 85% of the girls in the group home had been sexually abused by their fathers, stepfathers, grandfathers or a live-in boyfriend. At one of our group therapy sessions, Angie was encouraged to tell her story. In spite of the strict rules of confidentiality, Angie felt embarrassed and ashamed to tell her story but nevertheless she shared the essence of her experience with her father.

Angie told the group, "My dad put me to bed ever since I can remember. When I was little he just rubbed my back but when I got older he would lie down beside me and put his arm around me. At first, I thought that was okay but then he made me do things to him. When he was finished with me he went back to his bed and I laid there feeling dirty and ashamed. He told me never to tell mom. He made me do that at least once every week for the past three years." At that point, Angie began to cry. Patty and Connie, two of the most sensitive girls in the group, embraced her and other group members joined them. I heard one of the girls say, "It was not your fault!" Other comments of support and assurance were made by other members of the group.

Conflict of Feelings:

Angie, like other girls in the group, faced a dilemma. Like many survivors of childhood sexual abuse, Angie struggled with conflicting feelings. On the one hand, she had a misplaced sense of loyalty to her father, who directly or indirectly assured her that they had a special relationship. There were times when her father was kind to her. "That was when he was sober," Angie said. "When he drank I tried to stay out of his way."

On the other hand, she felt helpless and repulsed with feelings of guilt and shame. Feelings of intense dislike for a perpetrator are not uncommon. However, I also heard girls say, "But I don't want to hate my father and push him out of my life." It is easy to understand why a girl walked that thin line between blaming and rejecting her father and keeping him in the family. She also tried to hang on to the fantasy that he is a caring loving father.

Guilt and Shame:

Feelings of guilt and shame occur hand in hand and must be therapeutically handled together.

Guilt: Guilt can be defined as the state of having committed an offense. It is an action related to doing something wrong or socially unacceptable. It is the inner voice that is referred to as a conscience. Victims frequently believe they did something wrong to deserve that kind of abuse and believe the abuse must be their fault. They assign guilt to themselves.

Shame: Shame can be defined as an emotion arising from feelings of guilt. Shame is about blaming oneself for being sexually assaulted. The victims feel shame and humiliation. They believe there is something inherently wrong with themselves.

Long Term Effects:

1. Childhood sexual abuse can rob the child of normal social and sexual growth.

2. It has been shown that the survivor of sexual abuse frequently takes personal responsibility for the abuse especially if it is done by a trusted adult.

3. Childhood sexual abuse goes along with higher levels of depression, guilt, shame, self-blame, anxiety, sexual problems, and relationship problems.

4. Survivors of sexual abuse feel worthless and tend to avoid others because they believe they have nothing to offer. (Long et al., 2006)

5. A study revealed that the trauma of childhood sexual abuse can show symptoms comparable to PTSD. (McNew & Abell, 1995)

6. Some survivors may dissociate to protect themselves from experiencing the abuse. (King, 2009)

7. Survivors of a sexual abuse may experience difficulties with trust, intimacy, feelings of being different, establishing interpersonal boundaries, and being involved in abusive relationships. (Ratican, 1992)

8. Although sexual abuse is traumatic, there is no single symptom that describes all survivors. Therefore, it is important for the friend and helper to focus on the unique individual needs of the survivor.

Sexual Abuse Essential Reads

Helping Practitioners Respond to Sibling Sexual Behavior

No More 'Quiet on Set'

9. "Childhood sexual abuse infringes on the basic rights of a human being." (Maltz, 2002)

What About Angie:

Angie was in the group home program for about one year. The most effective therapeutic method for Angie was psychodrama. She had a number of psychodramatic encounters with her father. As she brought all of her feelings and experiences out into the light of day she was able to assign blame where it belonged and validate herself as a worthwhile and lovable person. For those who are unfamiliar with psychodrama, when I refer to a psychodramatic encounter with her father I am simply recounting the times when someone in the group doubled for her father allowing Angie to examine her experiences and feelings.

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I am a retired professor of counselor education at the University of Nebraska at Kearney where I spent 30 years, 20 in the classroom and 10 as Vice President for Academic Affairs. I also had a private psychotherapy practice.