How to Resolve Problems In a Healthy Way

A big part of living a balanced and fulfilled life lies in our ability to avoid and minimize conflict. When conflict does arise, our ability to resolve it quickly and amicably has a big impact on our stress and happiness.

For some people, avoiding and resolving conflict comes with relative ease. For many others, conflict seems to be ever lurking around the corner, and we live in a perpetual state of unresolved conflicts. The result is a constant level of stress and wounds that don’t ever fully heal.

Healthy Problem-Solving

To help you on this journey of resolution and healing, I’ve developed a list of characteristics of healthy problem-solvers. Problems carry with them the seeds of both consensus and conflict.

Those who have had their self-esteem battered by emotional abuse can have difficulty dealing with problems because of the potential for conflict. Either they refuse to stand their ground and give in, or they turn every conflict into a do-or-die battleground of “This time I’ll win”!

There is a middle ground between these two extremes. Granted, this middle ground takes more time to accomplish, but it has the best chance of allowing both parties to remain standing at the end.

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10 Tips to Help Resolve Conflict

Below are ten action steps you can take when looking to solve problems in a healthy way.

1. Resolve to solve the problem, not to win. If you only want to “win,” you may find that you’ve won the battle but lost the war. Problems and how they are handled have short-term and long-term consequences. Be aware of both. Consider a strategy, not a battle plan.
2. Face the problem. Plan a specific time for a conversation to identify the areas of concern and be prepared to offer options for solutions. Some problems won’t go away on their own. For those that won’t, I suggest facing them instead of avoiding them. As soon as possible, find a way to deal with the problem. Those left unattended can balloon out of control and are harder to address later.
3. Be open to unique solutions. Usually, when I perceive a problem, I have an initial idea of how to solve it. Sometimes, though, once I hear different opinions, I change my mind about how to deal with the problem. I may have a good solution, but I may not have the best solution.
4. Be clear on your boundaries. People can become emotionally heated when working through problems. Know your limits. Know what behaviors you are not willing to accept from others, or from yourself.
5. Forgive yourself and others. When the boundaries are breached, repair them with forgiveness.
6. Accept that life is not always fair. Problems, and the way people handle them, do not always seem fair. What is fair to one person may appear unfair to another.
7. Deal with one problem at a time. There may be other problems swirling around, but you can realistically handle only one at a time. Don’t try to take on the problems of the world all at once.
8. Anticipate a positive outcome. When you enter problem-solving mode, be optimistic. This attitude may seem simplistic, but it is enormously helpful. If you begin to tackle a problem thinking there is no good answer, how motivated are you to solve it?
9. Believe in your ability to solve the problem. This concept goes with the one above but is a bit different. There is a difference between believing there is no answer and believing you have no answer. Trust yourself to find a solution.
10. When working through problems, be aware of how you’re communicating with yourself and others. Problems are stressful, avoid autopilot problem-solving. Keep your head in the game and be aware of how everyone involved is dealing with the problem.

Each Problem Is Unique, But the Benefit of Resolving It Is Consistent

Each conflict is different. Your ability to resolve them lies, in no small part, in the willingness of the other person to want it resolved as well. There may be times when there simply isn’t the desire on the other side to find a resolution. It may make sense to step away for a while and revisit it later.

But finding solutions sooner than later is always the preferred outcome. Sometimes we may need to go beyond the 50-yard line to resolve an issue, even if it feels like we are doing more than the other person is. That’s okay. Finding a good solution, whether easily achieved or the result of months of difficult conversations, can bring peace and rejuvenation that can’t be truly felt otherwise.

Unresolved conflict can drain the mind and body of energy. Life is better lived when problems are resolved, and working in a positive way to find a resolution not only means good outcomes but a more positive journey to achieve them.