The Importance of Family Dinner With Your Children

My two sisters and I used to roll our eyes at each other when our parents would call us all up for family dinner. I am the oldest of three girls, and we all went through our “sassy” phases, when we talked back to our parents, did not want to engage with them, and gave them attitude. Why would we want to spend our evenings with our parents and whole family at the dinner table? We either felt like it was pointless, boring, or annoying, or that we would rather be watching TV. This was over 10 years ago, when I was in high school, and back then, our parents did not allow us to bring phones to the table. Now, in 2023, with the rise of social media, I cannot even imagine how many more distractions children and teens have that they would prefer to be engaged in rather than sitting at the dinner table.

Now, as a 29-year-old adult, and a child/adolescent/teen therapist, I realize how important these mandatory family dinners were for me. It was the one time in all of our days when we as a family were present with each other—making eye contact, talking about our days, and most importantly, feeling connected. (Even when I was in a bad mood or annoyed to be there, I secretly enjoyed feeling listened to and cared for by my parents—and I know my sisters did too.) I want to acknowledge that not every family has two parents included in the home, but this post points to the importance of a family dinner meaning everyone who is present and living at the home, sitting together at the end of each day (with no phones). The emphasis is on implementing at least three sit-down dinners a week with your children.

Research shows that regular meals as a family positively affect self-esteem, academic performance, and the overall well-being of children and adolescents (Fulkerson JA, et al. 2006). It is important to note that brain development in youth ages 9-17 is at a highly sensitive stage (Social Media and Youth Mental Health, 2023). Self-worth and identities are forming at this age, which is why sitting down as a family to connect a few times a week can be helpful and impactful in strengthening your child’s emotional health—especially if you enforce a “no phone” policy. It has been noted that parent(s) play the most “critical” role in helping a child build their self-esteem (Darapublishing, 2017). Additionally, if you, as a parent, model healthy self-esteem for your child, it will help increase their self-esteem (Darapublishing, 2017).

Connection is an interesting word these days. It means different things to different people, especially with increased smartphone usage. These devices technically “connect” people, but to what extent when compared to in-person interactions? Around 95% of youth ages 13-17 use social media, and over a third have expressed that they are “almost constantly” using social media (Social Media and Youth Mental Health, 2023). Higher amounts of social media usage among children and teens have been correlated with poor sleep, low self-esteem, depression, and anxiety (Social Media and Youth Mental Health, 2023).

Although it is inevitable that our children and teens will at some point be on social media, we, as adults, have to step in and find ways to engage with youth in real-time, especially because social media is designed to “maximize user engagement” (Social Media and Youth Mental Health, 2023). Think about it: smartphones are following our trends, what videos we tend to like, and what content we enjoy. When children and adolescents are at such a critical time with brain development, this can lead to media usage causing challenges with “self-control” and addictive behaviors (Social Media and Youth, Mental Health 2023).

Even if you as a parent receive countless eye rolls at the dinner table, I want you to reframe and remember how valuable this time is. Just the fact that you are sitting there with them will model how to be present, and the importance of in-person connection and communication with loved ones. Ask how their day was, what the best part of their day was, and who they had lunch with. These little moments have a big impact and can lead to emotional health with your children. Parents also need to put their phones away. Make this time mandatory and intentional. It is at least 30 minutes saved from their phone, and more time to know they are loved and heard. Just remember: the eye rolls are on the side, the main course is the presence and connection.