Why Is Mandy Moore's Story So Important?

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Actress and singer Mandy Moore recently spoke out to the media about how she escaped a psychologically damaging marriage when she divorced Ryan Adams, who has recently been accused of abusing many women, as reported in a New York Times article. Moore's public account of what it was like living in her dysfunctional marriage could possibly help countless women and men recognize signs that they are in a harmful relationship and/or speak out. She described enduring extremely controlling behavior, losing the freedom to make her own career choices, and feeling a sense of “drowning” in the marriage. Based on her description, it appears that Moore experienced what clinical psychologists and domestic violence experts would call "coercive control."

Coercive control is a form of nonviolent, psychological abuse. It refers to the use of tactics including isolation, monitoring, controlling and micromanaging aspects of daily life (e.g., eating, sleeping, time), inducing guilt, constant criticism, disapproval, and more (Crossman and Hardesty, 2017). All these tactics are used to intimidate and maintain power and dominance over one’s partner. It can be so extreme that entrapment occurs, in which the abused partner’s freedoms and liberties are taken away; they are perhaps not even able to leave the home at their free will.

Coercive control often goes unrecognized or unspoken for three main reasons:

• When we think of domestic violence, we often think of physical battery, scars, and bruises. We don’t picture the less obvious kinds of abuse associated with coercive control—though they are just as serious as physical abuse, and often lead to physical violence when a partner tries to leave. Coercive control can actually have even more detrimental psychological effects on victims, according to some research studies.
• Another reason victims of coercive control do not speak out is due to embarrassment and shame that they often experience, especially considering that abusers tend to make victims believe that they are to blame and/or impose guilt as a part of the abuse. This leads to a fear of being stigmatized by speaking out.
• A major method of coercive control used by abusers is isolating their victim. They may forbid the victim from interacting with family, friends, or even going to church or other social group gatherings, or convince the victim that interaction with others is bad for her, the relationship, and/or the family. Even if they do not explicitly forbid contact with outside sources of social contact, they may punish it or dissuade it by doing such things as not allowing guests in the home or monitoring cell phone and computer use.

Coercive control is a very serious type of abuse. As mentioned above, it can lead to even more psychological problems than physical abuse—including depression, PTSD, low self-esteem, intense fear, helplessness, an inability to make decisions, and a sense of losing one’s identity. Coercive control is so prevalent that a number of countries, including Australia and the UK, have relied on psychological and forensic research to create public policy on how to handle it. It is now illegal to exert coercive control over an intimate partner in the UK, for instance.

When a popular and successful female television actress and singer such as Mandy Moore speaks out about her own experiences living in a controlling, unhealthy relationship, it helps focus attention on a very under-recognized form of inter-partner violence. The manner in which she describes her experience allows us to see her as a role model—a strong woman who removed herself from a psychologically damaging situation. Moore’s openness, honesty, and lack of shame or guilt in speaking out will surely help other victims of this insidious type of abuse feel less social stigma and, hopefully, encourage them to speak out and/or seek help.

Disclaimer: If you are in a relationship and experiencing coercive control, please seek out your local domestic violence resource center for help.