If You Believe You'll Have a Great Relationship, You Probably Will

Source: Courtesy of Pexels, Ekaterina Bolovtsova

Self-efficacy is a term from educational psychology that describes people’s judgments of their capabilities in the pursuit of their goals (Bandura, 1997). Self-efficacy has been shown to influence motivation, setting goals, persisting with a task, and surmounting obstacles (Bandura, 1997). It’s what keeps you in the game.

Self-efficacy can also be applied to relationships, and in that case is called relationship efficacy. Researchers Fincham, Harold, and Gano-Phillips (2000) define relationship efficacy as the extent to which people believe they can resolve conflict with their partners. According to their definition, a person with a high level of relationship efficacy believes that they are skilled in handling conflict within the relationship when it arises. This definition is somewhat limiting in that it only examines conflict resolution, but there is a lot more to relationships. Lopez and Lent (1991) define relationship efficacy as the belief that the relationship can be successfully managed. Therefore, using this broader definition, a person with a high level of relationship efficacy believes that they can successfully handle differences and build on the strengths of a relationship. Essentially, a person with a high level of relationship efficacy feels as if they have what it takes to make a relationship a success. Taking relationship efficacy into account is important because it has been shown to impact relationship satisfaction.

The Golden Mean of Relationship Efficacy

Take, for example, hypothetical couple Donna and David. Donna has an overly inflated sense of relationship efficacy. David, on the other hand, has a very low relationship efficacy. Both beliefs can be problematic but for different reasons.

Donna, with the extremely high relationship efficacy, feels that no matter what happens within the relationship she is skilled at tackling it. Whatever it is, she’s got it handled. Because of this belief, she may be less likely to seek support when things are difficult or work with David to try to improve their relationship. She doesn’t see the need for outside intervention or support.

David, on the other hand, with his extremely low relationship efficacy doesn’t see the value in working to strengthen the relationship. He gives up before trying, believing that no matter what, he won’t be able to handle difficulties within the relationship.

Which alternative is better? Neither. It is most beneficial to have a moderately high and realistic level of relationship efficacy. This way, you are willing to put in the effort needed to improve the relationship, but also willing to accept when you need to support it. To be sure that your relationship efficacy is realistic, spend time reflecting on your relationship with the help of your partner. Discuss the difficulties you face and how each of you shows up when it comes to surmounting any obstacles. By reflecting on what has worked and what hasn’t, you get a much more accurate read on the relationship and your role in improving it, which objectively influences your level of relationship efficacy.

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