17 Strategies for Finding Love

People seeking a romantic relationship, especially marriage, look for specific traits in their future mate; for instance, social status, wealth, good looks, and similar interests/goals. However, finding someone who has most of the desired traits can be difficult, especially if one is searching for a romantic partner in the wrong places. So where should one be looking?

Depends on whom you ask. Common answers include:

• Go to nightclubs and bars.
• Join a book club.
• Visit the local library.
• Attend church.
• Go on blind dates.
• Use dating apps.
• Register with online dating agencies.

Nevertheless, nobody really knows what would work best for another person. All they can say is what worked for them.

So, just because a friend and his wife first met at a local grocery store when they both reached for the same bucket of Ben & Jerry's, it does not mean that all singles should rush to Walmart’s frozen food section.

Having said that, there may be wisdom in the systematic study of where or how people met the love of their life, and then looking for patterns and commonalities in the responses. This is what researchers Apostolou and Prodromou did.

Their recent study, published in the Scandinavian Journal of Psychology, investigated the strategies people use for meeting prospective romantic partners.

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The research

In the first part of their study, Prodromou and Apostolou used qualitative methods (e.g., in-depth interviews) in a sample of 218 Greek-speaking participants to determine what strategies people used to meet prospective romantic partners. An analysis of the data identified 44 acts.

Subsequently, using quantitative statistical methods in a sample of 821 individuals, the authors sorted the 44 acts into eight classes of strategies.

The authors also asked participants where they met their current/past partners. They grouped participants’ responses into 17 categories.

Their findings are presented in the sections that follow.

Eight strategies people use to meet prospective romantic partners

Here are the strategies participants used to meet potential mates. These are listed from least to most endorsed (with example statements in parentheses):

1. Dating apps and social media (I use a dating agency).
2. Activities (I do more activities and hobbies in order to meet new people).
3. Provocative behavior (I dress more provocatively).
4. Traveling (I go on vacation to places where I can meet prospective mates).
5. Friends (I ask my friends to introduce me to people who are single).
6. Self-improvement (I lose weight).
7. Going out (I go to places where people my age gather).
8. Showing active interest (I flirt more).

In summary, singles searching for love were least likely to use dating apps and most likely to demonstrate active interest (e.g., make the first move; flirt more).

Where did participants meet their past/present romantic partners?

As noted, participants used various strategies to meet prospective mates. But where did they actually meet their past or present significant other? Here are their responses, ordered from least to most popular:

1. Through speed dating events.
2. With the assistance of dating sites/agencies.
3. In a training seminar.
4. Through family.
5. On a trip.
6. With the help of dating applications (e.g., Tinder).
7. While engaging in shared activities/hobbies.
8. On holidays.
9. At social events (e.g., weddings).
10. By chance (for example, on the bus or the plane).
11. As a result of an old friendship blossoming into romance.
12. At social outings/parties.
13. During a night out (e.g., meeting at a bar).
14. At work.
15. Using social media (e.g., Instagram, Facebook).
16. At school/university.
17. Through mutual friends/acquaintances.

As can be seen, many individuals met their current/previous romantic partner through mutual friends and acquaintances. This was true of nearly half the sample.

Further analysis showed that a third had met at school and a fourth on social media.

To compare, only 1 in 10 reported falling in love after a chance meeting. And only 1 in 500 met the love of their life at a speed dating event.

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Takeaway and additional reflections on how to find love

A variety of successful strategies exist for finding your future partner or spouse.

The data indicates that a commonly used strategy by people seeking romantic relationships is to frequent places where there is a high availability of potential mates. Yet, most people said they had actually met their significant other through friends and acquaintances.

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How can we apply the above findings in our own life?

One, if you are seeking a romantic relationship, staying home all the time will not work in your favor. So going to birthday parties, weddings, and other social functions may be a good idea. It is certainly a popular approach.

Two, more importantly, do not keep your desire a secret.

Telling your best friend is a start, but to increase your chances, try to enlarge your social network by telling distant friends and acquaintances as well. Let them know you are available and what type of person you are looking for.

Whatever approach you take, it is important to be authentic. Research suggests authenticity is a successful dating strategy, particularly for long-term relationships.

A lack of genuineness and truthfulness may be one reason blind dates and romantic relationships with total strangers are less likely to work out, when compared to romantic relationships with co-workers, classmates, and especially old friends.

Indeed, research shows that friends-first initiation of romantic relationships is both common and desired. People are more likely to be genuine around their friends than around the strangers they want to impress and attract. And a relationship built on authenticity and honesty is more resilient than one based on lies.

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