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Narcissism
Narcissism and the "As-If" Personality
Behind the narcissistic lure to deceive.
Posted June 20, 2024 Reviewed by Tyler Woods
Although the narcissistic persona is appealing, the façade of illusion and superficiality indicates being prone to alienation from oneself. Reality is fraught with anguish, panic, absence, and void.
Narcissism is the love of an image, but one unrecognizable as oneself. The mirror is distorted both inwards and outwards. A man in analytical treatment commented, “What do I like? What do I want? I want to be desired, but I don’t believe I’m desirable. I want excitement, but I can’t excite myself with anything that is not taboo. I want to die, I think. I’m selfish and don’t really care about anything more than my own comfort, stability, peace, and legacy. And all of this is starting to ring hollow. I am scared and what can I do?” The unanswered questions posed are: "Who am I really?" and "Can I be interested to know you when I do not see myself?"
Much pain is expressed within these words and draws us to the person covered in sparkling appeal but suffering in this ontological insecurity, living half-dead, feeling flawed. How can this paradox exist? This is a perspective about why love is difficult for a narcissist, finding it hard to give and easy to take. The person circles around but does not get into the intimacy, feelings, and emotions of love. Often appearing as a shiny object, adored, and idealized, they need glamourous projections onto them to prevent collapsing into what feels like the void of interiority.
Narcissism has been described as a grandiose sense of self with exhibitionism, needing reassurance of uniqueness while suffering in disturbed relationships. The capacity to kid oneself is huge and arises from the fraudulence the person vaguely fears bursting forth. Living on illusions, the continual re-establishing of these illusions requires much effort and is based on the avoidance of being closely seen and known. This person struggles to establish an integrated sense of "I." Yet, the overriding question within this personality includes, if I am not seen as exceptional, who am I?
From the perspective of Jungian analytical psychology, expanding the symbolism within narcissism moves us further into the depths of the psyche. This approach is oriented to transformation. It is not the pathology to focus upon but rather the search for meaning and increase in consciousness with connection to the unconscious, bringing relationality with others out of the narcissistic singularity and aloneness.
Narcissism brings us to a sensitive and deep reflection on the nature of these wounds and the analytical repair. Hope emerges from the conundrum of those caught in the throes of narcissism, whether it is about themselves, a partner, or the effects of a narcissistic parent. This includes attending to the culture of narcissism while the primary focus is understanding the individual psychological situation. The magnitude of uncertainties and transitions humanity is now undergoing indicates we are in a particularly challenging time to relate and understand others and accept their differences.
The narcissistic approach to life encompasses the "as-if" personality, an imposter type, a person feeling unable, unworthy, hiding in a grandiose tower. The concept of the "as-if" personality reflects a partial engagement while remaining emotionally hidden, mostly to themselves, unable to commit, to find their internal roots or fulfillment. Although often feeling alone and lonely, the narcissist has a creative edge and energy, compensating for the underlying morass of sorrow and disillusionment. The idealized and illusions are to avoid the real, as it is assumed to be disappointing. Not uncommonly, many remark on negative inner thoughts interfering and critical self-evaluation. This is why they must always be on, persona in place, no sign of any disorder.
The narcissistic tendency towards self-absorption, narrowness, and individual subjectivity can prevent growth and become ossified with the aging process. Isolated within, the narcissist is the prisoner of their own ego. Preserved, suspended in time, can they realize what is happening to them? How can they find a ground of being when this is the very thing they assiduously avoid?
The narcissist feels anxiety and apprehension about life. This is covered over by developing an idealized persona to hide what is considered the fissures underneath, lying like a silent fault in the earth. This is all perplexing when a person appears verbal and pleasant, enchanting, and highly functioning, basking in the limelight. What is unnerving is the yet-to-be-discovered layers behind the veils, mirrors, and empty cheer. Like today’s diagnosed narcissist, in the myth, Narcissus sees an idealized likeness, one without warts and blemishes. Narcissus’ self-identity is inflated, unrealistic, incomplete, and in denial of the shadow. It also refuses the appeal of others for love or attention. Unable to respond to intimacy, the narcissist seems to want to keep it this way.
However, given so much popular hype around the impossibility of narcissism, we run the risk of obscuring the urge for transformation embedded in this personality type. The process of Jungian analytical psychology opens a gateway through the agony and loss to find aliveness and love for self and others. We are made of many not one and this can be interpreted as listening and responding to the voice of Echo reaching out rather than remaining in the singularity of Narcissus. In the original Ancient Greek myth of Narcissus and Echo, Narcissus was absorbed in his reflection, which was most beautiful and desirable, and would see none else. Echo desired him and he refused repeatedly. This is like the modern-day narcissist who only sees themself and regards no other as equal or worthy of attention.
The "as-if" personality is an aspect of narcissism in its self-focus, defenses, and avoidance of the effects of others, ultimately leading to defensive isolation from the world. This leads us to understand more about where each of us fits in denying our own discomfort and how to conquer it and manifest our growth.
