10 Tips for Making Love Work When the Money Gets Tight

For Richer and for Poorer

Recent surveys say that money issues cause about 30 percent of divorces. To avoid the pitfalls, here are some tools to help you manage the money side of marriage.

1. Share your dreams. Perhaps you want to be debt free or buy a villa in Tuscany. Whatever your goal, working on it together will help you bond and keep you focused.

2. You can't be expected to account for every penny you spend. Everyone needs some cash in his or her wallet to deal with life's little emergencies. Having the freedom to buy an occasional magazine or a latte is part of the American dream.

3. Decide on your personal spending limit. Couples should agree to talk about any purchases they'd like to make before they go shopping if they expect to spend beyond a certain amount.

4. Full disclosure is a must. If you have run up credit cards or spent your nest egg, it's best to come clean sooner rather than later. Hiding your mistake is considered a financial infidelity; it will make you look less trustworthy and the resulting wound will take longer to heal.

5. Agree on how you run the business side of your relationship. Some couples put everything into "the pot," while others have a yours, mine, and ours system. There is no right or wrong way. What's important is to decide on a method that works for you, and to stick to it.

6. Deal appropriately with a windfall. If one of you gets some unexpected money, it makes sense to discuss what you'd like/need to do with it. If you have vastly differing ideas, it could cause a rift in your relationship.

7. Lean toward balance, not control. If one of you is the money manager or bread winner, and doles out an allowance to your partner, make sure not to make the one you love feel like he or she has come begging.

8. Curb your spending. A good rule to live by before buying anything substantial is simply to ask, "Is this a need or a want?" If you're in debt, go on a spending moratorium for at least a month and pay off those credit cards.

9. It may be easier to make more than to save more. Starting a small family business, like selling stuff at a swap meet or on eBay, can not only help you live a nicer lifestyle, it can bring you closer.

10. Stick to your agreements. If you have both agreed to work, and one of you decides not to, it can wreck your plans and your ability to enjoy your relationship. If you need to quit your job, or you want to change the nature of how money is earned, you must talk about it and both agree before making the move.

Financial infidelity can break the bond a couple has worked for years to build. Remember that no material thing can replace or be as valuable as the trust between you.