"How Do I Start Therapy?"

Stepping into therapy can be a life-changing experience and the start of a journey that can take us through unexpected discoveries and insights. An unavoidable part of this is building a trusting relationship with a complete stranger: our therapist.

We will be revealing the deepest parts of ourselves, perhaps stories we might never have talked with anyone about before. It’s both exciting and daunting, and we want to make sure we create the best possibilities for an encouraging beginning to this journey of self-discovery. But where do we start?

Preparing for our journey

It is worth putting in a little effort to ensure we get the absolute best from our investment of emotions, time, and money. There are some very simple and practical preparations we can do to create a good foundation for our therapeutic journey.

Preparing will also build our confidence when we finally contact our chosen therapist. Plus, it will make us more comfortable engaging with therapy right from the beginning.

Which type of therapy is best for me and my issues?

Finding the right therapy for us and our issues can seem overwhelming: with so many different types of therapies available, how can we know which is the best for us?

We could say that any therapy is better than none, though to have the best chance of success, it is worth considering our own requirements rather than looking for a specific type of therapy. Here are some questions that might help:

• Who is looking for therapy: Is it us individually, or us and our partner, or us and a family member?

Some therapists specialize in working with individuals, these could be counselors or psychotherapists. Others might have specialized in working with relationships such as couple’s counselors or psychosexual and relationship therapists, or family therapists.

Deciding who is seeking therapy will help us narrow down our search.

• How do we prefer to work?

Some therapies are based on creating changes through giving homework and consciously changing thoughts and behaviors. Others are based mainly on making changes by talking, thinking, and reflecting on our thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and preoccupations. If we like a bit of both, then there is that option too.

Consider this: If we dislike homework and know that we are unlikely to carry out the required tasks between sessions, it is unlikely we will gain much from this type of therapy.

On the other hand, if we prefer homework, we might get frustrated by a therapy that is focused on talking and contemplating.

If we know what works best for us, we are more likely to find success in therapy. We can talk with the therapist during our initial conversation to clarify if their method suits our preferred way of working.

• What is the main issue we are looking for help with?

Being able to name the issues we bring to therapy can make us feel a little more confident when we first contact a therapist and during our first session. Something as simple as asking ourselves why we feel in need of therapy can clarify if for example we feel overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, or scared.

These are not the only reasons to seek therapy and remember: No issue is too small or too big for therapy. Knowing a little about what we are seeking help with will make our first conversation with a therapist easier.

Finding a therapist

It is always best to seek a therapist who is qualified, accredited or licensed, and registered with one of many associations especially established for therapists. Alternatively, we could search the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.

These should give us some choices close to where we live. If we are looking for a relationship or family therapist, we can add that description to our search, so we get the appropriate results.

On the association’s website or the Psychology Today directory, we will find a list of therapists who we can be sure are qualified and have trained to an acceptable standard.

Along with their contact details, their listing will tell us what the therapist works with and if they have specialized in any therapeutic area. If we are looking for help with something specific, it is worth, if possible, finding a therapist who has specialized in the area we are seeking help with.

It isn’t always the first therapist we contact that is a fit for us, so having the details of two or three will give us options.

What to look for in a therapist

We need a therapist with whom we can get on with, someone who "gets us" and we feel able to build trust in. This is an important part of what is called the therapeutic relationship and for our success in therapy. In other words, we need this relationship to be a good fit for us.

We also need to think about where the therapist practices from and if we can get to where they are on a regular basis. Most therapists would like to see us weekly, so we need to be sure we can make the appointments at this frequency.

Of course, some therapists are happy to work online, via email, or telephone. If that is how we need to work, then where the therapist practices from to some extent becomes irrelevant.

Getting to know our therapist

It is a good idea to try to get to know our therapist a little before we make an appointment. Therapists are used to being asked questions by potential clients and will be happy to answer any that relate to therapy. Personal questions, however, are not as appropriate for this type of relationship.

Talking with them on the phone is probably the best way to make the initial contact. Our first conversation will give us an idea if they are a good fit for us. To get the conversation started, here are a few questions that might help us:

Finding a good fit:

• What is their experience of working with our issue?
• How do they work with their clients, i.e., do they give homework, or is it mainly talking, thinking, and reflecting?
• What is success in therapy to them?

Practical questions:

• Do they have any appointments available?
• How much do they charge?
• How long is a typical session?

A question that will help us and our therapist if we are to make an appointment:

• How do we prepare for the first session with them?

Time to begin our search

The first call is always the hardest but being equipped with all the information we need will make this first step easier.

Remember: We are the ones hiring our therapist. It is us who needs the fit to be right so we can progress emotionally and psychologically. Feeling reasonably comfortable talking on the phone with our therapist will give us an indication of how we might get on in person.

When we do arrange an appointment, be certain that the day and time are manageable. Being late or missing this appointment altogether can make for an awkward start to our therapy. Let’s give ourselves the best possible start and make sure we can attend the first session with a little time to spare.

To find a therapist, please visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.