Why Confidence Can Be a Con

In a world captivated by charismatic personalities, confident artists, athletes, TED speakers, and performers, it's really easy to believe in others' unwavering self-assurance. You may well find yourself in awe or envy.

But don’t be fooled! Behind the confident facade often lies a struggle with self-doubt, anxiety, and fear of failure.

The Illusion of Confidence

Successful people understand that projecting confidence captivates audiences and grabs attention. It’s essential for many roles, whether it’s a CEO, electioneering politician, air hostess, Olympian, Rock'n'Roll legend, or investment-seeking entrepreneur.

Elvis Presley Sings "Loving You"

Source: Paramount Pictures/Wikimedia Commons/Public Domain

Confident speakers and performers have mastered the art of illusion. Take Elvis Presley, for instance. His pre-stage nerves were legendary. "I'm scared stiff every time I go out on stage,” he admitted. Yet he used that fear to boost his performance. "I get nervous when I don't get nervous. If I'm nervous, I know I'm going to have a good show." Who could tell from those quivering lips and grinding hips?

Ironically offstage, he sequestered to Graceland and craved the security blanket of the so-called “Memphis Mafia” for over two decades. Many exude confidence in public that doesn’t exist in private.

Even amidst powerful performances, one of the greatest tennis players of all time, Serena Williams, has openly shared her battles with self-doubt. Despite holding a 39-grand slam record, she has voiced doubts about her abilities and pressure to meet expectations. Yet, she concealed this from her opponents, eventually deciding to retire from the circuit.

Insecurities are cleverly masked by overt gestures, body language, tone, and nonverbal cues. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy argues that expansive postures and nonverbal cues influence confidence. How often do we see CEOs strut on stage like they’re the Aga Khan himself? Or observe performers adopting wildly dramatic end-of-song postures? A polished delivery, assertive body language, and persuasive rhetoric can leave us spellbound, unaware of the swan pedaling furiously beneath the surface.

Supreme confidence also underpins the successful con artist, fraudster, and scammer who masterfully deceives others. In fact, they exploit this by preying on low confidence.

The Robber Barons of Confidence

Understanding the human psyche helps us avoid falling victim to the confidence con. Everyone experiences doubts. To overcome this, it’s essential to know which factors cause it. Emotion is usually the culprit.

1. Fear of Failure: Anxiety is a primal response to uncertainty, whether it’s interviewing for a role, competing in sports, hosting a party, taking exams, or speaking publicly. What truly drives us is not the confidence of success but the fear of failure. Confidence is not the absence of fear but the ability to navigate and overcome it.
2. Imposter Syndrome: It’s estimated that 70 percent of people are affected by impostor syndrome. One study found 30% of high achievers experience it consistently. For instance, Maya Angelou openly admitted feeling like an imposter and fearing people would find out she was "faking it." Similarly, despite multiple Academy Awards, actor Tom Hanks confessed to feeling like a fraud. Feeling inadequate is pervasive.
3. Adverse Comparison: In a society that values external validation, confident individuals regularly succumb to peer pressure which can reduce confidence further, especially when the comparison is negatively oriented. Scrutiny is as acute in high-profile celebrities or public figures as you or I, and its cognitive effects are similar regardless of age, income, or background.
4. Impression Management: We've all encountered the bragging neighbor, name-dropping colleague, or overachieving relative who desperately tries to manage the impression of confidence. It niggles and might make you temporarily feel worse about yourself, but it’s a con. Who knows what lies beneath? It’s the pseudo-confidence trick.

However, don’t forget about context. Individuals may exhibit higher confidence when performing familiar tasks where they are comfortable compared to unfamiliar, uncomfortable or challenging situations.

Crafting Confidence

“Just build your confidence,” do-gooders typically say, as if it’s that easy. Confident speakers and performers channel their fear into fuel, using it as a driving force. By learning how to manage fears, they successfully harness the power to inspire and influence audiences. Here are some steps to help you on your journey:

• Build Awareness of the Con: The first step is acknowledging that the con of confidence is a normal part of the human experience. Shed light on the difference between others' appearance and human reality. Take small steps outside your comfort zone as each small victory paves the way for bigger challenges.
• Deconstruct Confirmation Bias: Confident people seem unshaken in their views, even when it’s a subject they supposedly know nothing about. Research shows we are less likely to consider information that challenges existing beliefs. In fact, accepting alternative perspectives builds evidence-based truth rather than ego-based confidence.
• Embrace Vulnerability: We all fear being judged, but it’s important to remember that it’s inevitable and not life-threatening. Accept that it's OK to be imperfect. Author Brené Brown emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and sharing vulnerabilities to connect on a deeper level. She urges us to see failure as an opportunity for growth.
• Reframe Fear: Replace self-doubt with positive affirmations and self-encouragement. Remind yourself of your past successes to diminish fear’s grip. For introverts who might suffer in a society that typically values extroversion, author Susan Cain suggests embracing the true self to counteract the cultural stereotype.

But beware of overconfidence!

Natural confidence can sometimes border on overconfidence or narcissism. Two biases come into play. Firstly, we often spot illusory superiority when colleagues overestimate their relative abilities. Research shows people perceive themselves as above-average in terms of intelligence, driving, and social attributes. Secondly, individuals with limited knowledge, competence, or skill often exhibit unwarranted competence, known as the Dunning-Kruger phenomenon.

Confidence Essential Reads

The Roots of Ambivalence

The Hidden Dangers of Expert Overconfidence

Remember, workplace confidence stems from preparation and diligent practice. Whether delivering a speech, attending a meeting, or performing on stage, invest the effort. The more prepared, the better the performance and higher the confidence.

Confidence is not a constant state but will fluctuate based on context, company, mood, and state of mind. Everything passes. So the next time you feel envious of a confident speaker, presenter, or performer, remind yourself that confidence is not the absence of fear but the ability to navigate through it.

By understanding that confidence is dynamic and situation-specific and building your own safeguards, you unlock even more confidence in yourself than the confidence of those you might envy.