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Emotional crying is a behavior largely unique to humans and could be considered a step forward in evolution, a consequence of a deeper connection to sadness and mourning. Yet it's often given a bad reputation as an inconvenient behavior related to loss of self-control. Part of the negative image of crying is due to its relationship to immaturity and infancy, where it is indeed related to tantrums and emotional incontinence.
Another negative valence comes from the association with unpleasant triggers, such as anger, sadness, and frustration, all related to emotional overload and distress. There are unfortunate, sexist, and negative cultural connotations to crying as well: that it is a "feminine" or "undesirable" behavior because it implies weakness or emotional fragility relative to stoicism and keeping your cool.
Yet on another level, crying can relate to deep empathy, mutual connection, and authentic feelings. People cry when they see others in pain or going through sad situations. They cry when they need to release a large buildup of hidden or repressed sadness. Crying can provide a crucial catharsis and opening to healing and moving forward from traumas or endings.
1. Empathic connection
People can cry at moments of deep empathy or sympathy for another person's suffering, such as when a friend or loved one tells them about a sad event in their life, or when people come together for a memorial service. Another common situation can be when watching a movie and identifying with the characters and tragedies or stressful situations that occur. (There are interesting reports about people in airplanes feeling more prone to crying when watching movies, with theories about whether the lowered oxygen levels in flight cabins, the vulnerability of flying in general, or the isolated space of a plane induces this phenomenon.)
In these situations, crying is an extremely positive sign of a person's underlying humanity and ability to connect to the needs of others. It also shows a willingness to be vulnerable, and if done in front of others, all the more so.
But a balance must be hit as well in certain scenarios. Sometimes professionals are put in situations where they are exposed to others' suffering, such as therapists who are hearing their patients' stories, physicians or other medical professionals who are caring for the sick, emergency responders or detectives talking to a victim, etc. While it is a sign of the recipient's empathy and ability to hear the individual's needs, when the recipient starts to tear up, they usually should try to stay calm, so that the individual in need is less burdened. In those situations, the individual's emotions need to be centered. But situations can vary (while some patients dislike seeing certain kinds of emotion from therapists, others voice appreciation), and individual judgment can determine how best to connect with and help a given person.
2. Stress release
People can carry around a lot of stress and are under a lot of pressure to do so while appearing "put together" and "unemotional." While part of being a functional and mature adult is the ability to tolerate frustration and maintain professionalism, particularly in work situations, there are times when doing so represents an unhealthy disconnection or suppression of underlying issues. There may be major crises or conflicts going on in different places in their lives, or even lesser ones that can dredge up bad memories of past traumas.
In worst-case scenarios, some people are actively being abused and, through various systemic or social pressures, are having it minimized or ignored. These individuals need a healthier outlet for what is happening to them, and sometimes an episode of crying is a cathartic moment and release for the buildup of various unaddressed stressors. It is certainly a healthier way to cope than turning to something darker, like violence or anger or self-harm. But if happening excessively or frequently, it is certainly indicative that someone may need additional assistance and likely should consider talking to someone supportive. It may also be a warning sign of depression or anxiety that also may need professional assistance.
3. Trauma healing
Sometimes an episode of crying can occur unexpectedly, seemingly out of the blue. But usually, there is some sort of related trigger that precedes it. These can be valuable bits of data for someone who has been through some sort of trauma or past unresolved conflict.
When you find yourself reacting more than you would expect or disproportionately to something that seems relatively uneventful, that is a good moment to reflect on that situation. Is it reminding you of how someone spoke to you, or some period of isolation or sadness from your past?
Crying in these moments can be a valuable clue that you have buried some pain that can be worked through in discussion with a therapist or another trusted, supportive individual. Reflecting on what makes you cry can trigger internal growth and self-awareness.
Overall, crying can be an important signal and mechanism for connection and empathy. While emotional balance is always a crucial goal, we need to be more flexible and forgiving of what crying means in our daily lives and use it as a valuable tool for personal healing and outreach.
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