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Relationships
Nurturing Your Relationship at a Time of Lifestyle Change
Tips to maintain and grow your relationship while navigating social distancing.
Posted April 4, 2020 Reviewed by Jessica Schrader
The coronavirus pandemic is in full swing worldwide, and a lot of cities are taking conscious actions to contain the COVID-19 from spreading in their communities.
New York City, too, has taken far-reaching measures to contain this novel virus. Since mid-March, a lot of companies and organizations have asked employees to work from home, and private and public schools have followed the same course of action. New York City then took further actions by shutting down restaurants, bars, coffee shops, gyms, hair salons, etc. to protect the most vulnerable populations in the community. As a result, all of us are having to adjust to the temporary new lifestyle, spending massive hours at home with very limited social interaction outside of our homes.
In this post, I would like to share helpful tips on how to continuously nurture your relationships while practicing social-distancing.
Recognize that spending a lot of hours at home puts you in a very different state of mind.
Some of us might be finding ourselves feeling more anxious, worried, and helpless recently as a result of both what we find out through news and social distancing (as these each affect profoundly how we feel about the world, each other and ourselves). Although these overwhelming feelings are to be expected since we got so abruptly cut off from the outside world, it is very important to regain our emotional health (our sense of identity, our ability to access feelings of calm, happiness, and centeredness and emotional balance). We all need to take actions to regain what made—and allowed—us to feel like ourselves, things that brought us feelings of happiness and a sense of belonging.
Perhaps there are activities that partners can do daily in order to feel some form of normalcy despite what it feels like to be socially distanced.
Socialize and connect via video
As an individual and a couple, it’s important to witness others and be witnessed by others. Socializing via virtual rooms such as FaceTime, WhatsApp, Zoom, Skype can be a great tool for people to stay connected.
An app like Zoom allows multiple individuals, couples, and families to join a chat or meeting at a time. You can have a virtual party on these apps, and this virtual socialization can remind us that we are all in this challenging time together.
Meditate for the maintenance of the connection.
We can experience this time as an opportunity to support each other. It is a stressful time for all us—individuals, couples, and families. Couples can allocate time to practice calming activities on a daily basis. Meditation, deep breathing exercise, and mindfulness can bring you a sense of calm and relaxation, a connection to your own inner sense of peace, calm, and balance.
Exercise for the energy of the partnership!
Taking a walk, doing yoga, and doing some moderate exercise is something to incorporate into your daily routine (many instructors are giving Zoom sessions throughout each and every day).
Keep up with your date night!
Having local restaurants being shut down does not mean that you can’t have your date night. Plan an in-home date night! Put on your favorite music, light the candles, and prepare a special dinner together—maybe take turns cooking. You can pick up flowers at a local grocery store for the date night.
Connect with empathy, compassion, and kindness.
You might feel more anxious, worried, helpless lately since there has been a lot of talk and news about the impact of COVID-19. As a couples therapist, I think that it is important for couples to express empathy and compassion with each other—to be open with each other and take terns listening empathically. Empathy and compassion can be expressed by:
- Acknowledging each other’s contribution to finding creative ways to manage living in a confined space.
- Affirming your partner for her/his/their kindness, generosity, and patience.
- Expressing your love for one another.
- Expressing your love for one another via body touch (hugs, kisses, etc.).
Practice being patient with one another.
I think we all need to remember that we are challenged in so many ways. If your partner is having a difficult time, giving her/him/them time to process the difficulty might be a profound way of caring for your partner. If it’s difficult for you to see your partner suffer emotionally, you can consciously practice self-care—reach out to others who will help you process what it is like to be there for and with your partner at this socially isolating period.
Learn to navigate the dual roles of being a partner and officemate.
Since I hear a lot of couples working from home and needing to share a small space for work, I interviewed Dr. Lisa Orbe-Austin, an executive career coach and a co-author of the book Own Your Greatness, regarding tips that couples can use to navigate working from home.
- If you are both working from home, it's important to share your schedule with your partner for the day just so issues related to things like child care, silence, access to certain rooms, Wi-Fi priorities in your home are clear.
- Make sure you are accommodating and finding time to spend apart and doing your own things especially in small confined spaces.
I agree with Orbe-Austin regarding a couple needing to spend time apart. We are dealing with an unprecedented lifestyle: Our life outside of the home has disappeared, and, simultaneously, our time with our partners has increased dramatically.
This social situation that we are in makes me think about what Ester Perel says repeatedly in her book, State of Affairs. She says that in order for the sexual intimacy to thrive in a love relationship, partners need to have both togetherness and separateness. I think that love relationships need a good balance of work in both connecting to and being apart from each other.
Being apart in this circumstance can be difficult, but maybe you can practice some alone time in your limited space. You and your partner can strategize ways to spend time apart. Your daily walks in the neighborhood can be solo. Respecting solitude in this circumstance can go a long way for the health of your relationship.
Thinking about your health, your partner's, your friends', and your family's is likely to be overwhelming right now. But I wonder how we can all practice taking our lives and relationships one day at a time, perhaps, one hour at a time. I believe you can get through this tough time together as a couple. And you and your partner will come out as stronger and more solid than ever.
