Verified by 
Motivation
Self Inoculation Against Second Wave Isolation
How to obtain social and emotional support through a “great” clutter buddy.
Posted October 6, 2020
Yes, COVID's second wave may be approaching but it does not have to mean debilitating personal isolation and deprivation for the months ahead. We are more informed and can draw on that experience to move forward, building our contact community and inoculating ourselves against excessive, confined isolation and vulnerability.
A pervasive societal “shut down” is improbable.
We are not powerless. We are much more informed and experienced. Let’s move forward and use that knowledge and experience prophylactically by setting up two satisfying layers of personal contact and support.
The first layer is our larger contact community which is only restricted by those people we can’t reach through technology; i.e., our landline and smartphones, especially those with visual interaction. These tools can give us next-to-best contact through Facetime, What’s App, Duo, and many other cost-free apps. In addition, there are online free platforms with broader opportunities for gathering groups to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, Thanksgiving, seasonal festivities, at a whim. Consider Zoom, Google Meet, and Facebook, taking advantage of their easy-to-use security precautions of course.
Our second level of contact and support is our 7- to 10-person bubble. Some are the people we can maintain a healthy, meaningful relationship with—those who provide physical and emotional reciprocity. If you or someone you love is vulnerable to anything, especially creating clutter or a hoard, perhaps someone in your bubble has the qualities to be the coach you need; i.e., your Clutter Buddy.
The principles of being an effective Clutter Buddy or (fill in the blank) are the same.
If Clutter Buddy candidates have, or are willing to develop the following attitudes and skills and you work hard to remain open, that partnership can help you reinforce the choices that become habits most important to your sense of continuing progress and the self-esteem and happiness that comes out of reaching goals and making wishes come true.
Over the past 19 years, specializing in hoarding behavior and intervention, I guarantee you that if the Coach/Buddy has a genuine respect and liking for others and a clear understanding that no one has the answers for others (specifically if they recognize that you just need help and support to find your own answers), these people possess the most important, fundamental combination of qualities. I can teach them everything else. Who, from your personal bubble can you reach out to or accept an offer of support from, so that you are not alone with your vulnerabilities?
Not all help is equal or advisable. Let’s talk further about the kind of support you should be looking for. Unless your situation is an immediate risk and a threat to life, start with someone who demonstrates the three important attitudes we have discussed: respect, liking for others, and a clear understanding that no one has the answers for others.
First, the person you're looking for is someone who has genuine demonstrable respect and compassion for other individuals. They are people who understand, probably through a life of hard knocks themselves, that the experience and lessons they have learned may, or may not be valuable for you to consider how well it fits with your beliefs on what you can draw on. They will offer their life lessons only with humility. There are no formulas.
These are also individuals who are not going to try to influence you because they are task-focused and their need is that you achieve more than you are comfortable with because it makes them feel better, more successful, and more effective as helpers.
Respecting your honest decision-making comfort level and pace is essential. Requiring that of yourself is good enough.
You are looking for someone who even if they could succeed, would never even try to sneak extra items into a bag or a box because you weren't present. It’s called respect, compassion, and integrity.
These are people who have good personal boundaries and limits. They know how to stay on their side of the line. They can manage their own needs and frustration. They will not try to influence you with their values, beliefs, and ideas. They may offer you what they have learned about themselves from experience; that is not the same as trying to apply their opinions to your life.
They have no need to interpret your needs and readiness to make decisions as noncompliance. They do not interpret your readiness or lack thereof, to mean that you are unmotivated, lazy, difficult, or unappreciative of their efforts. They understand and accept that it takes all kinds of people to make a world and you are as entitled to be yourself in the same way that they are entitled to be as they are.
Next week, I will list the Hoarding Don’ts and outline user-friendly strategies for Clutter Buddy/Coaches to help you cross that finish line in a way you can maintain.
