An Emotional Toolbox for Fertility Treatment

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Coping with fertility treatments and family-building challenges can be overwhelming. You may feel exhausted from managing the details of treatment, balancing work demands, and dealing with friends and family members.

Fertility treatment often creates a cycle of hope and disappointment, commonly referred to as "the rollercoaster of infertility." The up-and-down nature of this experience can intensify stress, especially if you're actively building your family. It's crucial to recognize this and prioritize self-care daily.

Research shows that the levels of depression during fertility treatment can be similar to those experienced during treatment for cancer or heart disease. The top two reasons people drop out of fertility treatment are financial strain and stress. While the exact impact of stress on success rates is unclear, we know that managing your emotions is essential. Doing so will not only benefit you and your loved ones but also help you better tolerate treatment and calm your nervous system, enabling you to make the best possible decisions.

Many decisions in fertility treatment can be difficult to reverse, so managing your emotions is crucial when gathering information, whether deciding on the next procedure or choosing a donor. Let's focus on a few tips to help you manage stress.

The following tips are categorized into three sections: 1. Decreasing negative emotions, 2. Increasing positive emotions, and 3. Managing overwhelm (or feeling out of control). Most people instinctively focus on decreasing negative emotions when they arise, often trying to "get rid" of uncomfortable feelings. However, using tools to increase positive emotions and manage feelings of being out of control or overwhelmed is equally important. It's best to use tips from each category, tailored to your background, temperament, and current life situation.

This list offers examples for each category, but it's not exhaustive. Feel free to add your own strategies and mix and match until you find the right balance. As your treatment evolves, your symptoms may change, so revisit this list and adjust your strategies as needed.

Decreasing Negative Emotions

• Be mindful of your body: The internet is full of free resources like exercise, stretching, dance, Pilates, and yoga classes. Many people on social media host regular "dance parties" and exercise sessions. If you're tired of screen time, play your favorite song, dance around the house, and sing out loud—it's nearly impossible to feel down while dancing.

Poor posture can make you feel worse. Notice how you stand or sit when you're upset versus when you're happy. This "fake it 'til you make it" strategy is backed by research. A small adjustment in posture can change your attitude, so sit up straight even when you don't feel like it.

• Take care of your mind: During times of crisis, your mind may be in overdrive. Meditation is an effective way to quiet your thoughts. There are many types of meditation, and apps or YouTube videos can offer free or low-cost guidance. Stress reduction techniques like Tapping have also helped many people stay calm. Yoga, often called "moving meditation," can quiet your mind while moving your body. Like meditation, yoga is a practice that improves with time.
• Go on a news diet: While staying informed is important, consuming too much negativity and fear from the news can significantly impact your mental state. If you must watch the news, stick to the highlights and avoid watching it before bed.

Increasing Positive Emotions

• Get outside: Moving your body is important, but it's also helpful to take a walk outside when possible. Feeling the sun or wind on your face and smelling the scents around you can activate your senses and help regulate your internal clock, potentially improving your sleep.
• Give: Acts of kindness can bring joy and inner peace. Whether sending homemade cards to homebound individuals, donating, or volunteering for a hotline, giving to others often means giving to yourself.
• Laugh: Even if you're feeling down, a funny movie, book, or video can lift your spirits. There are countless accounts of people finding healing through laughter.
• Connect: Make time to connect with people inside and outside your household. Many religious organizations, community centers, and other groups have created online platforms for staying connected. Communication with others is essential for everyone.
• Focus on what you do want: Our brains are wired to look for problems, but you can counteract this by listing your goals and focusing on what you can do, rather than what you can't.
• Practice gratitude: The saying "Gratitude will change your attitude" might sound cliché, but it works for many people. Start by noting 3-5 things you're grateful for each day. Even in challenging times, finding something to be thankful for—like your morning coffee—can make a difference.

Managing Overwhelm (or Feeling Out of Control)

• Engage in pleasurable activities within your control: This could be reorganizing your living room, taking an online drawing class, or learning how to knit. The "fight or flight" response is triggered when your body senses a threat, and fertility treatment can repeatedly challenge your well-being. This constant stress can lead to an accumulation of cortisol (the stress hormone), making you feel exhausted and worn out.

When you put your energy into a pleasurable activity, not only do you have a distraction, but seeing the results of your efforts can be stabilizing.

• Stick to a schedule: Going to bed and waking up at the same time each day benefits your health and emotional well-being. Maintaining a consistent schedule can improve your sleep, help you feel productive, and keep your household in sync.

Creating a toolbox that works best for you will not only improve your health and relationships but also help you make better decisions and navigate treatment so you can achieve your family-building dreams