Self-Acceptance: What Does It Mean?

What does self-acceptance mean? That you are satisfied with everything you feel and do, embrace everything about yourself, and are content with what you have? Or does it mean to be aware of your strengths and weaknesses, your thoughts and feelings, accepting what is good and changing what is not?

A person who sees their weaknesses and strives to be flawless is bound to be disappointed, often plagued by feelings of inadequacy. The perfectionist is seldom happy. Our bodies are imperfect; no amount of exercise, healthy eating, or cosmetics can make them otherwise.

Our knowledge is partial and often mistaken. We will inevitably misstep in our relationships, misread another’s intentions, and think a little too much of ourselves and not enough of another, speaking out of frustration or anger. Who hasn’t been careless with another’s feelings or wished they could do better or try harder?

That much we must accept. The paradox is that sometimes self-acceptance means not doing something, while at other times, it entails a change in behavior. Depending upon the circumstances, it may be inaction that is needed; other times, it is action.

The following anecdote illustrates the point:

A man walked by a pub. The smell of beer wafted through an open door. He made for the pub’s door but stopped short.

“I won’t go in. I am an alcoholic and need to stay away from all alcohol. I won’t be tempted.”

With effort, he turned away from the bar and continued to walk down the street, pleased with his decision to forgo the temptation of a beer.

Another person could hear the hubbub and laughter of the pub patrons. She stopped by the door and considered going in.

“I’m anxious around strangers and crowds,” she thought. “I’ll be afraid if I go inside alone.”

After giving herself a pep talk, she concluded, “It’s good to challenge myself. I can do this.”

She opened the door, went in, and had a brief but pleasant exchange with another patron whom she did not know.

The woman continued on her way, pleased that she had mingled amongst strangers.

Our abilities, backgrounds, experiences, and nature itself impose limits. So while we want to have all that life has to offer, we also live in the recognition that that our resources and lives are finite. We can’t have everything. We will never be perfect. What we have, we must also lose. Birth, growth, decay: This is the natural cycle, the ceaseless turning of which we are all a part.

Life is messy and full of contradictions. Acknowledging this is the first step in self-acceptance.

For a historical and conceptual view of acceptance, see this article.