Final Analysis: January 2 - Reality Bites!

Go on—light that cigarette, drink that martini, eat that cupcake, and hang some clothes to dry on that treadmill! You're only human. And to prove it, here's a quick history of failed New Year's resolutions.

Casanova: Find Ms. Right.

Ann Coulter: Find Mr. Extreme Right.

e.e.cummings: get "caps" key fixed.

René Descartes: Stop overthinking things.

Amelia Earhart: Walk more.

The Brothers Grimm: Lighten up; they're kids.

Lady Godiva: Do the laundry.

Sigmund Freud: Don't giggle when delivering conference paper on penis envy.

Henry VIII: Find a wife with a good head on her shoulders.

Niccolo Machiavelli: Wish coworkers a sincere "Happy Birthday."

René Magritte: Get real.

Suze Orman: Splurge! Buy shoes without getting a second pair free!

Sarah Palin: Prepare for 2010 presidential race.

Pablo Picasso: Get eyeglasses.

Keith Richards: Stop doing drugs.

B.F. Skinner: Think outside the box.

Keith Richards: Stop doing drugs on Tuesdays.

Jane Goodall: Get this monkey off my back.

Jack the Ripper: Stop taking life so serially.