Veterans: Home Restoration

Captain Danjel Bout and his wife were married just 22 days before he left, bound for training in Texas and deployment to Baghdad. Eighteen months later, he braced himself for a homecoming.

"It was euphoria at first," Bout says. "Then there was awkwardness." The intense camaraderie he had among soldiers was suddenly gone. "I went from the heat of combat to my doorstep."

When soldiers return home to their families after months or years away, the reunions are full of joy and pride. But when the parades and parties die down, new problems flare up—along with the realization that things can never go back to the way they were.

Everyone's role must be re-negotiated during the difficult readjustment period, says Michelle Sherman, an Oklahoma City psychologist and author of Finding My Way: A Teen's Guide to Living With a Parent Who Has Experienced Trauma. Service members may feel they don't have a place now that their family is functioning independently.

Young children may not even remember their mom or dad—or may have changed considerably. Older children may resent the long-absent parent's sudden imposition of discipline. Meanwhile, returning soldiers have trouble describing what they've been through and reconnecting with people, says Sherman.

Bout had violent nightmares and found himself reliving battles in his sleep. "It was really uncomfortable for my wife," he says. "I didn't want her to know how bad things were. But on the other hand, I did."