3 Conversation Topics to Spark a Relationship

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Whether it is a new neighbor, classmate, colleague at work, or potential romantic interest, you always consider the best ways to begin a conversation. What questions should you ask when you first meet? There are countless possible options, but thankfully there are some proven ways to break the ice.

Questions People Love to Answer

Depending on what type of relationship you are forming, your questions should be both appropriate to ask as well as appealing to answer. Although we cannot get too personal too quickly because people value their privacy, some topics are both safe and satisfying. And the beauty of asking someone about something they enjoy talking about is that it affords you plenty of opportunities to follow up.

There are definitely subjects to avoid. Studies show these include politics, sex, money, relationships, work, and religion.[i] But that still leaves you plenty of topics to work with. Ideally, ask about topics that interest you as well, because research reveals that establishing a sense of shared reality requires more than exchanging information; it involves smooth, conversational flow, which creates the sensation of being on the same wavelength.[ii] Here are three ideas.

The Storytelling Value of History

Even people who are private about their address, phone number, or zip code are not shy about telling you where they grew up. Hometown highlights, often presented in a positive light with a healthy dose of nostalgia, is both interesting to hear and enjoyable to tell. This topic also allows you to identify areas of common ground—literally, given the possibility you are from the same area or type of area, which creates bonding through background. People who grew up in a big city versus a rural community can relate to style and pace of life, for example, even when they grew up in different locations.

My Children, Myself

When it comes to getting to know a new friend or acquaintance, the topic of offspring is never off-limits. Other than cases where you know someone has lost a child or has a strained relationship with their children, most people will light up like a Christmas tree if you ask about their family. In fact, most of them will whip out their smartphones before you've even finished asking the question. Why tell you when they can show you? As you are becoming dizzy with the scrolling photo gallery your new acquaintance is displaying, consider the relational progress you are making.

Not only are children bright lights in our lives, but as extensions of ourselves, their accomplishments also reflect on our own success and self-worth. And that is important, because especially when making first impressions, everyone loves to put their best foot forward.

Travel: Adventure Is Meant to Be Shared

Budget permitting, whether it is across the world or across town, most people love to travel. And they love to tell you about where they have been. This subject is unique in that discussing a place, as opposed to discussing something personal, is pleasurable but usually not private. Because the adventure of travel appeals to extraverts and introverts alike, you can build rapport without the boundary probing concerns you might have with other topics. Even normally reserved personalities will become animated when sharing what they enjoyed most about ziplining in a rain forest, taking a drive across the country, or even their latest camping trip.

The bottom line is that relationship building involves intentional effort, topic selection, and genuine interest. And be ready to reciprocate, because authentic curiosity about others makes them authentically interested in you.

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