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With the advent of a new year come all sorts of possibilities. Most people will have at least one or two New Year’s resolutions. Of course, this new year is an interesting one after a very challenging 2020 for most people.
Consider what you will do, how you might shift and explore new opportunities that might present obstacles. You might be one of the people who got sick, lost someone to COVID, or lost their job or their lifestyle. Many people have experienced significant pain throughout 2020. Thinking about what’s next might actually be more painful than optimistic for you.
One option for going into the new year—or any new day, new week, or new month—is to learn how to practice the art of letting go. This might sound contradictory; after all, I just finished saying how tough this last year might have been and what a difficult place you might be in mentally, emotionally, and physically as you ponder what’s next.
The truth is that no matter what our circumstances might be at any point in time, we can practice letting go of hurt, worry, anger, and frustration and allowing ourselves to be more in the natural flow of life. It isn’t easy. It takes practice on a continual basis during the good times so that when the difficult times hit, it is more natural to do.
Letting go doesn’t mean abdicating your daily responsibilities. It doesn’t mean that real problems don’t exist. It doesn’t mean you ignore what you must do in order to protect yourself and your family. It merely means identifying the negative emotions that drag you down, steal your energy, and keep you stuck, and choosing to let go of them in order to regain your energy so you are able to do what’s necessary and important.
The keys to learning to get into the natural flow:
1. Recognize your triggers. Understand what drains you and pulls you down. When you get depressed, nervous, anxious, and upset, what is it that sets you off? For most people, it is a memory or a rumination (i.e., negative self-talk) or a response to something you dislike or don’t want to have happen.
It can be as simple as getting a rejection letter on the job you applied for and your response being, “Of course I’m not going to find work in this terrible environment!” Then your thoughts turn to how awful everything is, how unfairly life has treated you, how tough the times are for everyone, and so on. Keep a journal and make notes about what sets you on the negative path.
2. Acknowledge that the past is in the past. There is nothing you can do to change it. There is no one who can fix what has happened. There is no going back and asking for a mulligan or do-over.
There is only now and going forward. Make a conscious choice to let go of hurts, upsets, and frustrations from times gone by. It’s useless energy, and it depletes your today.
3. Watch your reactions, but don’t give in to your reactions. Yes, you will get angry and frustrated and anxious and worried. These are all normal human emotions. You can’t stop them from entering your mental and emotional space, but you can stop them from settling in and taking over.
Become an "Interested Observer." Learn to step back and view your emotions, but see them flowing through you. Imagine they are temporary guests whom you quickly un-invite once they try to take up residence. Don’t fight with them; just allow them to come in and then just as quickly leave you.
4. Practice breathing and focusing on your breath throughout the day. Taking three deep breaths in, holding them for three seconds each, then letting them out over the count of three is very calming and centering. The mind cannot focus on two things at once, so focus your attention on your breath. Imagine it is a real force—because it is—and “see” it, feel it, think about it as you slowly breathe in and out. Do this throughout the day so that you can slow yourself down and re-orient yourself whenever you need to.
5. Choose peace. This sounds so simple in theory, but it is much harder in practice. All of your reactions are a choice. You might think you just respond and can’t control them, but you can. Whenever you have a moment to consider what to do, use the mantra, “I choose peace.”
As you enter the holiday season and the dawning of a new year, commit to yourself to get into the flow of life and the natural world. Let go of what hurts you and bring yourself peace. The more peace each individual finds and practices, the more peace will be distributed throughout the world.
