Teenagers Searching for Identity

Helping your teen find their place in the world is complicated. Most parents of teenagers know that chaos and emotionality can be more intense in the adolescent mind because of gains in abstract thinking and the emotional drive to separate from their parents and understand the opposite or same sex. Successfully seeking independence and an expanding identity is a hallmark of teenage growth. Developing more friendships and fitting in with the groups of teens that evolve at school, in a sports team, or a club is also very important to their expanding sense of self. Interest in the opposite sex or same sex becomes a predominant preoccupation, whether or not your teen and the new teen friend actually talk to each other. Close teens often rely on their friends for support and advice, although jealousy of a new love interest can complicate the support given by friends. Confusion, anxiety, and even obsession about creating new connections is very common. Being a teenager can be a wild ride, and hard for parents to navigate.

What Is Important in the Teenager’s Search for Self

Freedom for Your Teenager to Explore His or Her Interests

Teenagers change their minds frequently, which is normal and predictable. What at first looks like an amazing new creative interest or goal may become boring or stifling when more is learned about what is involved in attaining this goal. Allow your sons and daughters to change their minds without criticism from you or others who might think they know best. Open-mindedness and the chance to go over and over what they want to become is the best tool to assure that an appropriate decision is made. Try very hard to encourage your son or daughter's ideas and motivations of self-discovery. Giving your time and understanding is more important than anything else you may give to your son or daughter, in my opinion.

Persistent Parental Attitude

Gifted teenagers are intense in every part of their being. And, in my experience, the parents' goal should be to assist their teenagers to explore the details of becoming an actor, writer, professor, musician, lawyer, or doctor, to name a few choices. Sometimes what the parents or grandparents want for their child can be confused with what the teenager wants for themselves. Avoid deciding for your son or daughter what career path they should follow.

Interest in friendships is intense. If teenagers are socially inhibited, fear of engaging with new friends can also create issues that need to be addressed directly. Find social groups that involve meeting and working with other people in real life. Social life is very important to teens. Friends with the same types of curiosity can help each other understand and develop their own interests more carefully or intensely. While social pressure can get out of control, what friends think can also be an important form of motivation. In my personal and professional experience, teens who can find friends and activities that share and examine their strengths and interests will develop their talents more easily. In other words, artistic individuals will thrive with other artistic friends. Talented students more easily help each other decide if they should go to college or look for practical and immediate creative experiences.

Personality Issues That Contribute to Independent Thinking for Teenagers

The teenager is a newly evolving individual, often with an argumentative and insistent attitude toward their life and their opinion of how their parents will react. Parents need to set limits, which their teens will often try to reject or avoid. In my experiences with my own children and other teenagers I have worked with, listening and compliance can be difficult. Parents who have managed to set limits when their children were younger will have an easier time being listened to and getting their teens to follow directions. Getting heard and respected can be tricky, and requires patience and an understanding of how stressful long-range decisions can be. Stress does not make decision-making smoother.

Two years ago I worked with the talented son of a respected lawyer. His son was very contemptuous with his father, which totally surprised me. After many hours of trying to figure out what this teen was interested in, a gradual light appeared at the end of the tunnel he and I were trapped in. The family’s persistence in helping their son start the journey of finding himself was crucial. I am sure I also helped. Learn to not give up.

Conclusions: Stay Calm and Devoted to Your Son or Daughter’s Struggles

This attitude can be hard to hold on to because teenagers in search of themselves can be very emotional and unrelenting. Equally annoying is their ability to avoid and procrastinate what needs to be completed. And yet, staying focused on what you can do to help your teen make decisions about their future is very important. Remember, there are many steps to helping your teenager learn to make decisions. There will be good times and hard times. Just keep moving forward.

Advice for Parents and Teens

1. Keep in mind that finding yourself is not an easy thing to do.

2. Time must be spent exploring, learning, and thinking before decisions can be made.

3. It is hard for all teens to decide what they want to do in terms of their future. It is usually not easy to picture, and possibly very difficult to bring about.

4. Patience is very valuable and necessary.

5. All decisions can be revisited.