Kids Are Missing a Wild Amount of School

My high school started at 7:20 a.m. I remember waking in the dark and rushing down the block to catch the 6:50 city bus. In winter, the sun wouldn't be up for another hour, and if I had just showered, icicles formed around strands of wet hair. Off the bus, I waited for my turn to pass through metal detectors and squeeze through a sea of teenage bodies to get to my first class.

Everyone has an "uphill both ways in a foot of snow" memory about how challenging it was to get to school. Yet many of today's kids are not making the trek. Nearly one in four students in my state (Massachusetts) were chronically absent last year, meaning they missed at least 18 days of school or 10 percent of the year. Massachusetts isn't unique: Similar statistics are being reported nationally in the United States and the United Kingdom.

This is an improvement over the 2021-2022 school year when 30 percent of the students nationally were routinely out of school, but we have a long way to go to return to pre-pandemic school attendance levels. One detail that surprised me is that the largest increase in absenteeism has been for elementary students, among whom chronic absences doubled from 10 percent in 2019 to 20 percent in 2023.

The implications for children's literacy and social skills, and thus the health of our future society, are truly depressing. I remember skipping high school occasionally to hang out with friends, Ferris Bueller-style. But first graders? This feels dire.

My state's department of education has pledged funding for better tracking of student attendance, and my kids received cute certificates and small prizes for their positive attendance records for the fall semester. But as a psychologist who works with many children reluctant to go to school, I know it will take much more than certificates and spreadsheets to improve these dismal statistics.

Here are some of my ideas and strategies that I've seen work to get reluctant kids back to school. These are five actions that parents can take without waiting for schools to create new attendance policies.

1. Start with curiosity. Take a deep breath and ask: What's getting in the way of attending school? What parts of the day do you dread? The answers might surprise you. Children may be struggling with sleep, anxiety, friendship drama, academics, or school meals. Some of these are very solvable problems. Others might feel intractable, but discussing the dilemmas with a trusted adult can relieve much stress.
2. Prioritize peer connection. Most kids don't get all that excited about times tables and reading comprehension; the highlight of school is seeing their friends. Encourage children to have play dates and communication outside of school that sustains and deepens peer connections. Some kids say they don't have any friends. Ask the teacher if that's true or what the teacher might be able to do to support friendships during the day. A friend is a powerful motivator to get to school.
3. Rely on routines. Preparing clothes and backpacks in the evening, going to bed at the same time each night, and stocking the kitchen with preferred breakfast foods are great ways to calm morning chaos for kids and parents alike. Do you know how nice it is to watch a familiar episode of an old TV show when you're feeling nervous? That's because predictability is the antidote to anxiety. Make your mornings like an old episode of Friends, not a new installment of Saw.
4. Consider learning disabilities. Attending school with an unrecognized learning disability is like walking through snow barefoot when you don't realize that everyone else is wearing boots. Children wonder why school feels so uniquely hard for them, so painful. They might conclude they are "dumb" or that school isn't a good fit. Luckily, every child is entitled to an evaluation for learning disabilities conducted by school staff at no cost to families. Ask your teacher to initiate this process if you suspect your child might have a problem like dyslexia, slow processing speed, or hyperactivity.
5. Be a role model. Surely, you have dreaded tasks, too: washing a sink full of dishes or meeting with your boss for a performance review. Show your child how you experience and overcome feelings of anxiety and overwhelm. "Ughhhh," you might moan. "I hate doing dishes. Look at how many there are. How am I going to get through this?" Then, take a deep breath. Put on some upbeat music. Promise yourself a treat once you've finished. Show your child life can be difficult, but commitments are worth keeping.