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Tell-tale signs of flirtation—laughing at a bad joke, touching a shoulder, making eye contact—may do more than woo a new romantic partner.
Women report using nearly a dozen flirtatious behaviors to caution other women that a potential partner is theirs, all without necessarily uttering a word.
While men tend to identify mates based on fertility, reproductive cues and sexual access, heterosexual women are theorized to look for signs that a mate can be a strong, supportive parent and long-term partner (Buss, 1989, 2006; Buss & Schmitt, 1993). Biology plays a profound role in these habits, with women—contrary to popular belief—often becoming both the initiators and selectors in flirtation and courtship (Moore, 1985, 2002). They have a much greater direct investment in reproduction, after all.
Women communicate their choices of a new partner through nonverbal means, such as light physical contact. In settings with other women, they can be indirectly aggressive to assert dibs on a prospective mate, research shows.
Call it competitive flirting. Those recently surveyed (Wade, Clark, & Burch, 2019) have pointed to 11 actions they use to send a clear signal to other women, including:
- Initiating eye contact with the man.
- Positioning herself or dancing within his view.
- Smiling at him.
- Touching his arm, shoulder, chest or leg.
- Giggling or laughing at his jokes.
- Physically joining his personal space and excluding a competitor.
- Showing distaste for a competitor without speaking.
- Squeezing past or brushing against the man.
- Hugging him.
- Looking at or flirting with other men to spur jealousy.
- Waving at him.
Still, not all these measures are always effective. Touching his arm, shoulder, chest or leg; making eye contact; giving hugs; laughing at jokes and physically joining personal space—while excluding a competitor—tend to work best.
In short, the most effective competitive flirting suggests a woman has formed a partnership with or laid claim to a particular man as an exclusive partner—a finding consistent with research on tie signs (Morris, 1994). Those are varied devices that people employ to signal a relationship, like engagement/wedding rings, physical proximity and prominent photographs. Women may use these and the competitive overtures to safeguard an established relationship or to line up a new partner.
Although flirting surely can be spoken out loud, nonverbal cues carry more credibility with women (Archer & Akert, 1977), who are highly sensitive to unspoken messages (Hall, 1984, 1990).
References
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Buss, D. M. (2006). Strategies of human mating. Psychological Topics, 15(2), 239-260.
Buss, D. M. (1989). Sex differences in human mate preferences: Evolutionary hypotheses tested in 37 cultures. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 12, 1-49.
Buss, D. M., & Schmitt, D. P. (1993). Sexual strategies theory: an evolutionary perspective on human mating. Psychological Review, 100(2), 204.
Fisher, M. L. (2013). Women's intrasexual competition for mates. In Fisher, M., Garcia, J., & Sokol Chang, R. (Eds., 2013), 19-42. Evolution’s empress: Darwinian perspectives on the nature of women. New York: Oxford University Press.
Givens, D. (1978). The nonverbal basis of attraction: Flirtation, courtship, and seduction. Psychiatry, 41, 346-359.
Hall, J. A. (1984). Nonverbal sex differences: Accuracy of communication and expressive styles. Baltimore: Johns Hopkins University Press.
Hall, J. A. (1990). Nonverbal sex differences: Accuracy of communication and expressive style. Johns Hopkins University Press.
Moore, M. M. (2002). Courtship communication and perception. Perceptual and Motor Skills, 94, 97-105.
Moore, M. M. (1985). Nonverbal courtship patterns in women: Context and consequences. Ethology and Sociobiology, 6, 237-247.
Morris, D. (1994). The human animal: A personal view of the human species. New York: Crown.
Renninger, L. A., Wade, T. J., & Grammer, K. (2004). Getting that female glance: Patterns and consequences of male nonverbal behavior in courtship contexts. Evolution and Human Behavior, 25, 416-431.
Wade, T. J., & Feldman, A. (2016). Sex and the perceived effectiveness of flirtation techniques. Human Ethology Bulletin, 31(2), 30-44.
Wade, T. J., Clark, E., & Burch, R. L. (2019). I saw him first: Competitive nonverbal flirting among women, the tactics used, and their perceived effectiveness. Paper presented in the Evolutionary Approaches to Female Competition Across the Lifespan Symposium at the International Conference on Psychological Science, Paris, France, March 7-9.
