The 4 Types of Dog Parents

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Do you secretly see your dog as your child but don't want to admit it publicly?

A cross-cultural study found that Americans refer to their dog as a "child" or "kid" almost twice as often in private with family and friends as they do in public with strangers and coworkers. Dog owners in India, by contrast, appear to be more consistent in their language choices.

I asked a self-selected sample of American dog owners about their language choices. Of the approximately 100 people who responded to my online survey, 45 percent said they sometimes or always call their dog "my child." A full 65 percent admitted to calling their dog "my baby."

These language choices highlight the close emotional connection we feel with dogs.

It also suggests that how we care for pet dogs is very much like parenting.

Parenting Across Species

When we take on financial, physical, and emotional responsibility for a vulnerable creature in our household, we assume a parental role.

What does parenting a child involve? At a minimum, it involves physical care and safety—sheltering, clothing, bathing, and feeding. But there are other layers of responsibility, too. Parenting also means facilitating the youngster's learning, emotional health, and social skills, all with the aim of equipping them to navigate their world with resilience and confidence.

These same responsibilities fall on our shoulders when we care for a young puppy or dog of any age.

Pet Parenting Styles

Researchers find a correlation between four parenting styles and dog training methods.

Neglectful parenting: Parents with this style do not exert themselves on behalf of the child. They are apt to ignore their charge, perhaps leaving the youngster to miss school or wander unattended without food or adequate clothing.

In a similar fashion, a neglectful dog parent may leave their animal unattended and without water, shade, food, or access to toileting for extended periods.

Permissive parenting: Parents who use a permissive style are not typically neglectful of a child's physical needs but readily give in to the child's impulses and requests, indulging them without restraint. These children are likely to receive freedoms beyond their developmental ability to handle them and lack practice in respecting boundaries or self-restraint.

Likewise, dogs that are raised permissively could feel free to snatch food off guests' plates, urinate throughout the house, or engage in other poor manners. Permissive parents are less likely to limit treats, and this parenting style is linked to canine obesity, as noted in a Dutch study.

Authoritarian parenting: This parenting style is highly demanding and enforces many rules. An authoritarian style incorporates heavy punishment and discipline, with little consideration for nurturing relationships, positive emotions, or voluntary cooperation. An authoritarian parent is most likely to strike a child, and while their methods may yield compliance in the short-term, long-term results are less rosy. Children raised with an authoritarian parenting style develop unhealthy levels of stress, suboptimum learning, and resentment that leads to rebellion.

Authoritarian-style dog trainers, too, prioritize obedience above all. They are more likely to rely on physical discipline and harsh methods than use positive reinforcement and compassionate methods. Dogs raised with an authoritarian style show signs of chronic stress, may become reactive, and their learning and performance on cognitive tasks suffer.

Authoritative parenting: This sensitive approach to parenting is attuned to each individual child's needs and combines conscientious physical care with warm affection and clear guidance. Authoritative parents offer age-appropriate challenges, lots of positive encouragement, and consistent boundaries. Discipline is limited and rarely punitive; appropriate consequences are allowed to play out. Children raised with an authoritative parenting style develop to make the most of their potential and generally grow up to enjoy secure attachment relationships, developing trust in other people as well as themselves. The authoritative style has been shown to optimize a child's well-being and cognitive development.

Similarly, dogs raised with an authoritative pet parenting style receive rewards for cooperation, and unwelcome behavior is corrected or redirected in gentle ways. Even when these dogs display behaviors labeled as "bad," they get handled and guided with respect and sensitivity.

As explained in my book Tender Paws, we can use authoritative pet parenting to improve outcomes for our dogs. This style boosts social and problem-solving behavior, cognitive performance, and other dimensions of well-being. Regardless of the dog's inherent aptitudes or challenges, this pet parenting style empowers our little one to grow into the most relaxed, confident, competent, and socially skilled version of themself.

Parenting Essential Reads

4 Magic Words to Soothe the Meltdown of an Angry Child

The Effect of Parenthood on the Adult Personality

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