COVID and the Single Young Adult

An outdoor date

Source: Pixabay: public domain

The COVID-19 pandemic has been hard on every age group. But recent research suggests that no group has been hit harder than young adults, especially singles who would like to be in a relationship. Young adults are experiencing the highest levels of loneliness and suicidal thoughts since pandemic safety restrictions began.

“I’m really lonely but I can’t seem to motivate myself to get back on the [dating] apps,” a 35-year-old woman named Caroline told me in a Zoom therapy session. Caroline, an attractive woman who lives alone and works from home, had spent the past year recovering from a broken engagement. She broke up with her ex-fiancé after she learned he had cheated on her. This was last December, not long before COVID self-isolation took effect in San Francisco where she lives.

Dating apps for every age abound. There are Bumble, Hinge, Coffee meets Bagel, It’s Just Lunch, Match, to name only a few. But because of COVID safety concerns many young people are wary of meeting strangers. So, many young people, like Caroline, have opted for staying off the apps for now despite the loneliness that plagues them.

Unfortunately, isolation during the young adult stage (between ages 19 and 40) can affect normal psychosocial development. The developmental psychologist Erick Erickson identifies young adulthood as the time when the conflict between having an intimate loving relationship and social isolation must be resolved. Success at this stage leads to fulfilling, loving relationships. Struggling and becoming "stuck" at this psychosocial stage can result in a life of loneliness and isolation.

Isolation, according to Erikson, can spring from a number of sources. These include childhood trauma, fear of commitment, fear of intimacy, and difficult past relationships in which a partner cheated or was abusive. Today, of course, another important factor that Erikson could not have envisioned leads to serious isolation and the resulting loneliness at the young adult stage—a global pandemic during which isolation is crucial for safety.

Loneliness can affect both mental and physical health. A study in The Journal of Clinical and Diagnostic Research identifies three types of loneliness: situational loneliness, developmental loneliness and internal loneliness.

The various factors associated with situational loneliness include environmental factors like natural disasters—the factor that is affecting relationships now. The study identifies factors associated with developmental loneliness as “personal inadequacies, developmental deficits, significant separations, poverty, living arrangements, and physical/psychological disabilities.” The various factors associated with internal loneliness are identified as personality factors, locus of control, mental distress, low self-esteem, feelings of guilt, and poor coping strategies with situations.

The study concludes that loneliness is one of the main indicators of social well-being. Loneliness can lead to various psychiatric disorders and various physical disorders. Left untended, loneliness can have serious consequences for mental and physical health.

So, what should young people do, facing the COVID 19-induced crisis of social isolation and resulting loneliness? Caroline was heartened when she learned that one of her friends had found a promising relationship by using the dating apps with extreme caution. The first dates were by phone and online video meetings, followed by a hike using masks and social distance, and later an outdoor picnic in the park. Encouraged by her friend’s experience, Caroline has gotten back on the apps, slowly and cautiously, but with an open mind.